by

FB: A Pocket Reference

So, one day you found yourself on your favorite social media outlet when you were suddenly overcome with the desire to hit that “let’s be pals” button.  And for whatever reason:  friendliness, pity, a desire to fatten the friend ranks so you can worship at the altar of THEM they agreed. Suddenly, like some scandalous diary entry written by your best friend’s older sister, a new window into this person’s life has opened before your eyes. Likes, dislikes, personal views, and photos filled the screen.  Like a good voyeur you poured over every unguarded piece.  You’d finally arrived and there you were sitting in the inner circle along with 100’s of their other friends.  You dabbled a bit.  You liked their updates, maybe a photo or two, you threw in the occasional “LOL”, but you weren’t quite certain where you fit.

Here’s my handy pocket reference to help you figure out your place.  Now this is customized for me, but easily tailored to fit your needs.

  • My husband (he’s awesome! He’s at the top and can pick on everyone. I’m sure he’d never pick on you. )
  • My  parents / My beautiful cousin (she’s a saint – no really, beatified and all)
  • Family I like (I know, sometimes it’s hard to tell which people are related to me and harder still to take a crack at which are my favorite – I suggest Ancestry.com as a start on family in general or you can request a Family Tree – you provide the paper since I can go back to the 1600’s. I’ll do you a solid and highlight my favorites.)
  • Friends from 2nd grade (hitting on the school bus forms forever bonds)
  • Former roommates and their spouses/partners
  • Anyone with the last name or related to anyone with the last name of Adam, Spear, Blankenship, or Simmons (again Ancestry.com)
  • While this is included in the above, let me go ahead and restate it more clearly: THEIR KIDS
  • Those that know and use my unofficial nickname
  • Anyone I have a nickname for (or have been given a title to address them by)
  • Anyone who I’m 100% sure could put a curse on me (seriously, don’t mess with her)
  • People who hate shoes and share their thermos wine – and wear turquoise pants, purple boots and are generally my fashion mentor (I’m not thinking of anyone specific – no, this is a generic reference – you probably have someone like this in your life – maybe two?)
  • Anyone I’ve seen Rocky Horror with (put your hands on your hips…)
  • People I’ve taken a 2nd hand smoke break with
  • People I’ve eaten real/virtual Beignets with (that’s right, all of you)
  • People who have loved up Sam or refused to take Sage (but she’s still available, just saying)
  • Anyone who has battled a Cthulhoid manifestation or staged an Orc rebellion
  • Anyone who has ever uttered, “roll for initiative”
  • People with combat reflexes
  • EverQuest people
  • Improv people
  • Family I’m more “meh” about
  • You

We all know that sometimes finding your place can be difficult, but with this unpatented reference guide (hierarchy), I’ve helped take the guess-work out of it. This guide can also serve as a handy pecking order when you need one and it will help you navigate to your rightful place (bottom).  You’ll develop a richer understanding of the players (characters?) and your place among them.  Soon you’ll be on your way to having positive interactions with complete strangers. (Rolling on your back exposing your belly and throat is also recommended.  Hey, you’re the new guy!)  You’ll quickly be on your way to avoiding awkward conversations and dust-ups on your new pal’s social media feed.  Don’t be the person (aka “dick”) who ignores the hierarchy and gets “un-friended” or “blocked” (your whining about it will exhaust me).

(For the record: My one gripe about blocking, from a blocker’s perspective, is it never properly mocks the blocked person.  I want a page that exclaims, “Wow. You really screwed up. Huh? Yeah, you’ve been blocked. GG. Hopefully someone out there likes you more than this person does.” Zuckerberg, get on that.)

So anyway Champ, you’ve sorted out the who’s who and figured out where you fall (bottom – see chart).  Great job! You’re ready to enter the ring.  Just remember a simple rule:  Everyone above you on the chart gets to abuse you freely.  Everyone below you is a target.

A word of caution when it comes to my personal group of friends:  they’re an insanely clever and somewhat devious lot who will quickly lead you astray and cackle as you step in the proverbial “it”.  Carnage is a rush. Never trust anyone above you.  Don’t be led into a trap.

Now go make some friends!

by

Allie Brosh – Hyperbole and a Half

It’s rare that someone makes me laugh – truly laugh from some primal part of my soul.  Sure, I’m good for a polite snicker or even a chuckle. A belly laugh? That’s rarely me. Then comes along a blogger like Allie Brosh, the popular author of “Hyperbole and a Half” and all my apathy, my impassiveness, my weariness at all of the attempts I find to be so banal immediately disappear. (Yes, I’m a little hard on comedy. That explains my love of improv. Wait, maybe it doesn’t. It might explain my sketch writing.)

With a few words and a poorly drawn stick figure, she can have me on the floor gasping for breath, tears rolling down my face. She’s absolutely amazing. She’s hysterical. She’s hilarious. Unfortunately, she also suffers from debilitating bouts of depression. For the last 18 months she’s been taking a break trying to cope with her illness, occasionally popping up briefly on forums while everyone waited for her return and worried.

Today she posted her first full length post speaking openly about her ongoing struggles with depression; her honestly has made me admire her that much more.

If you haven’t discovered her, let me introduce you to her – through her laughter, through her struggles and hardships:

Hyperbole and a Half

by

Just an Ordinary Day

Our garage is like almost any garage – kind of ordinary in its rectangular-ness mixed with a hint of boring.  It’s a space where only cars and items that aren’t quite loved enough to hangout inside live.  The occasional yard tool loiters aimlessly against the wall. Every day I come home, open the door and am greeted with the sameness – the blandness.  A life tucked away slowly passing through each season.  I spend as little time as possible there.  No particular reason to linger. Just grab everything from the car, close the door and wait for another day.  Ordinary.

Then came Saturday when I opened the door and found…

Photo Bomb! From left to right: Holt Boggs, Topping Haggerty (Director), Jonathan A. Spear

Closeup! Holt Boggs & Jonathan A. Spear

Ahhh! Magic!

Be sure to look for “Fifi and Mr. Pickles” a short by Topping Haggerty coming to you later this Summer.

by

Shoutout: WordPress Gurus & Friends

Friends – we had an exciting week on this blog, well ok “exciting” doesn’t quite describe it. It was more “eh, ok”, but let’s pretend for me that it was exciting.  We (the royal version who is not particularly regal) learned two things: 1) I can set posts to private without driving the blog completely underground (yay) and 2) that while I can set posts to private, I cannot fix it so you can see them.  That means, if you signed up for the private version of BBM, WordPress converted you to “Followers” when I made the blog public again.  As “Followers” (as opposed to lowercase followers without quotes, which isn’t what you are, you guys are special) you just get an email when I post – like you just did to receive this.  You’ve gone years without having to receive an alert, so you won’t hurt my feelings if you go to the bottom of the email and hit “unsubscribe”.  You know our favorite shared social media source will alert you or that RSS feed you were already using.  No need for me to spam you.

WordPress.com Gurus – is there any way to share a private post without converting people to Admins on my site?  Now that I’m a bullhorn to the universe and that horn will be blown quite loudly, I need a solution.  That’s assuming people still want that same sarcastic content they’ve come to love.  Until that time, this site is officially rated G and will only include stories about cuddles and bunnies and isn’t that Jay Leno a hoot.  I love talking about those so much that it makes me want to skip around my yard while carrying a little basket. OR without a solution it could go a different direction – somewhere between R and toxic to make it so unpalatable that it becomes unreadable.  That’s where I’d offend all of my favorite readers and that’s not really what I want to do.  You’re clever folks, any suggestions?  I need your help.  Ideally I’d like to create a group who get special content. (By “special” I mean you know as special as I can make it – ummm… I could get you all shirts, too?  BBM swag? A free round of Mexican martinis? A signed photo of Sam?)

A final question: Would moving it to WordPress.Org give me any more control?

by

Shakespeare!

Professors Bacon and Marlowe – photo by C. Fox

I lied when interviewed for our office’s newsletter.  I could tell I was losing the interest of the designated “journalist” as I detailed all of the improv, sketch writing, short filming I had recently done. So when she asked “are you currently doing anything? like now?” I felt I should say, “yes” even though “yes” was really more a “no”.  I said I had been writing, which while not sketch writing was still a mostly true statement – I wrote emails.  It counts! I implied I was planning on performing, since I performed quite regularly at my desk for the “amusement” of my coworkers and myself.  Those laughs are sincere. I just know it!  But it was all a lie. I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t writing.  I had no plans to perform ever again.

That’s when I was approached to be part of a show celebrating Shakespeare.  Would I like to be part of a puppet sketch?  I waffled.  I offered to carry them with promises I was a really great and reliable carrier.  This is true.  Well, unless it’s really heavy and then I’m an equally accomplished whiner. The other part of my offer, should I be turned down on the carrying gig, was to volunteer to be in the show and say one line.  That line was, “mailbox”.  I know, it sounds random, but in my Puppeting 101 class it was an exercise we used to move our puppet around a space and speak.  Basically, your puppet believes everything it sees is a mailbox.  They get excited when they see it, they yell, “MAILBOX!!!”, run over to it and usually look a bit defeated as they sigh, shake their head and say, “no mail”. (It’s a little sad.  For the record, most puppets would really like to find something in that ever empty box.  If you know a puppet, write it a letter.)  The sketch writer/performer/orchestrator considered this and came back with a sketch where I had one line.  I got to say “Shakespeare!”  Which is “mailbox” only in early modern English (what Shakespeare wrote in – your fun Shakespearean fact for the day).

I’d never been in a real show.  Sure, I’d done student shows and then there was our show this summer, where people read my words, but not a show where people who I hadn’t  bullied might attend and pay real money.  These future audience members would doubtlessly have higher standards.  But despite all doubts I performed last month as part of a puppet cast that taught Shakespeare 101 using my best Jean Luc Picard voice (sure, you think that’s just Patrick Stewart, but there’s a subtle and distinct difference… in my head.) with a puppet I decided was Puck.  I did this for six shows where audience members laughed and people called out “Shakespeare!” to me after the show.  It was great fun, I met some great people and it that had the added benefit of not making me a complete liar for the office newsletter. Whew! Karma bullet dodged.

One Quick Observation Before I Leave

Like the rest of the troupes that appeared with us celebrating Shakespeare, I grew up with the Muppets.  I’ll even admit that Jim Hensen is the only celebrity whose passing brought me to tears. In my mind his death meant that Kermit had passed away as well and I was beyond heartbroken. I completely believed in the Muppets and their magic  So, needless to say one of the fun things i loved about having a puppet on my hand was seeing the effect it had on people – on the audience and on the cast.  The Richard the III’s (there were more than one – UK parking lots were very busy this season) whose faces would melt as they’d wave to each puppet and softly say, “hello”. The Rosencrantz who cheerfully inquired, “Puppet! What time is the show?” and waited for the puppet to respond. The audience member who stopped me and said, “the puppets were the best!” – not, “you guys”  and all the people who’d just pause when you’d place them on your arm and their countenance would soften a wee bit upon seeing them.  They’re magical.  I was proud to be a part of this group that brought such joy.

We few, we happy few, we band of [puppeteering] brothers.

by

Dunes

You’ve seen the Twilight saga (it’s ok, this s safe place and any snickering on my part will subside soon enough) and now I present to you “Dunes” – a parody of the beloved movie franchise written as part of The Institution Theater’s Sketch 201 class featuring the most underused supernatural love interest.  I do suspect that after this sketch we’ll see more of “them” as romantic leads.  Yes, I’m being vague. I can’t go around spoiling things for you.  (Thankfully, you can’t see the YouTube still below, so it really will be a surprise.  Right? Right?!?!)

This is my second sketch to be filmed and I want to thank all the cast and crew involved in making it happen.  Thank you for your time, your energy, for letting me pay you in sodas, coffee, breakfast tacos and sandwiches.

Some special thanks to:

April – for helping me make the costume (we are now pros and our next supernatural costume of this sort will be even more awesome – lots.of lessons learned there), thanks for your ideas, for all the shopping trips, for letting us invade your space, re-arrange and decorate your room.  Also, huge thanks for all of the behind-the-scenes photos.  You were incredible as always.

Jonathan – thanks for taking care of the cast and crew, keeping everyone happy  and for knowing me well enough that when I get brain-locked, I don’t have to say a word – you just swoop in and do.  I hope you’re always available to PA.  You are awesome!

Richard – I cannot begin to thank you enough.  Without you and your talent this project wouldn’t have happened.  Thank you for volunteering so much of your time from filming to editing to providing the music, sound effects and of course the fantastic special effects.  You are terrific and it’s a great privilege to be a part of any shoot you’re on.  I truly feel guilty receiving any praise for this when so much of what made this work is you and your dedication.  I’m looking forward to shooting Clown Family and for borrowing you again to shoot my horrible family birthday sketch.

by

A Donated Dare

I need your help.  Yes, I’m talking directly to you.  Don’t even think about looking over your shoulder.  Well, unless you’ve found yourself at the center of a spy thriller or you’re a conspiracy nut (and by “nut” I mean “thoughtful individual who clearly sees all of those clandestine government plots and truly understands ‘they’re out to get you’”).  Anyway, back to the help I need.

Some Background (everyone loves a story)

Some of you are aware that I follow a blog written by a 24 year old (now, 24 ½!) who is out in Asia in the midst of a two year adventure. It’s called Backpackology.  Unfortunately, that adventure became a little too adventurous and he lost all of the tools he uses to bring his blog to life. After months of not writing, where we were pretty sure his entrails were decorating some mad hermits wall in some remote jungle (because what mad hermit would live anywhere else), he posted an update letting everyone know that he was indeed alive.  A collective sigh or relief was breathed throughout the internet and money was exchanged as the bets were called in. “I had $25 on him being alive! Hand it over, folks!”

In the update he announced he’d started a Kickstarter campaign.  If you’re not familiar with Kickstarter, it’s .”..a funding platform for creative projects…”  It’s something I use to back some of my favorite projects, and you can learn more about them here: Kickstarter Basics

The great thing about Kickstarter is that once the project is funded, you can receive  rewards for your donations. In this case I pledged for a “dare”.

The Help I Need (see, cleverly titled so you’ll know this is the “ask” part of the blog)

This is where I need your ideas.  The “Dare” level gives me the “opportunity to dare [him] to do something (ANYTHING) that [he] will film and publish on [his] blog.  The stipulations are: it must be legal, it can’t take longer that one day to perform, cost more than $50, it can’t harm other or live animals and it cannot cause seriously harm to [him] or [his] belongings (though psychological harm is completely permissible so long as it’s funny).” (I’m loosely quoting since Kickstarter won’t let me cut and paste and I don’t feel like typing everything at the moment due to a profound sense of laziness.)

Now, I mostly contributed at this level to help him continue to do what he loves doing and that he is quite talented at sharing and well… because I want to continue to live vicariously through his adventures since my big trip at 24 was to mosey around New Orleans and get a hurricane glass from Pat O’Brien’s. WOO! Cheap, tall glass y’all!  (I know, I was a wild one.)  That being said though, I’d like to make an attempt at a dare, but I’m drawing a big blank.  See, I’m at an age where my dares are more along the lines of: “I dare you to go straight home and stop risking your life and worrying your family.”  I realize this technically falls under the category of “lame”, but in my defense, and why I’m now turning to you adventurous sorts (again, no need to look over your shoulder, I do mean you), everyone I asked had the exact same reaction (granted, they’re all about my age – we wave canes at one another and curse change – you know the sort). Even people I approached from around the area of the world where he’s traveling gave it some thought and stated coming home was the best adventure. (You know, I kind of thought they’d be good for some off the beaten path kind of ideas.) For the record, he’s traveling around China, Korea, Pakistan, India, Kyrgyzstan to give you some idea.  The only “near” adventure I could think of was to have him participate in the celebration of Holi, in India (or Pakistan) but that occurs at the end of this month which is before the project is officially funded (which is also right before April 1st – come to think of it that may be the most appropriate time to propose a dare).

Wikipedia Commons – Sandeep Pranavam

So, you worldly travelers, can you think of any offbeat festival to attend, any odd regional food you’d like to see tried (he did try a 1,000 year old egg… there was video proof… umm blech), any fun, ridiculous, inspiring, crazy (yet safe) thing I (and of course by “I” I mean “we”) could suggest? (I’ll definitely post the results here once he’s completed it).  Think big! Think fun! Think challenging! Think of what you’d want to do if you were 24 ½! Think of something that doesn’t sounds like, “board a plane back to the United States and become a sensible, contributing member of society so you can die in obscurity like the rest of us – tally ho and such, call your mother” because that would be stealing my idea.