As a people we’re usually good at putting a good spin on things. Whether it’s the government convincing us that something unnecessary is a fine idea (DDT anyone?) or we’re trying to cover up for that family member who did something embarrassing. A tornado? Global devastation? We can make it fun! A good PR firm knows if you can say the right thing in the right way to the right suggestible audience, you’ve potentially sold your product. It’s similar to when you lower your voice to whisper something terrible like, “you know Frank just has the one testicle,” but instead of trying to hide it you offer up, “did you know Frank is at the next stage of evolution! I think we’re going to be seeing more of those one ballers in the near future. Lucky bastard!” If other people are excited about it, then we are, too! It’s the happy train that keeps chugging forward.
We need positive spin to help us stomach the harder things in life whether we’re talking war, poverty, famine or any other horseman that joins the depressing parade that is sometimes life. Bonus points when it’s something potentially tragic and we’re able to spin it into blaming the victim, but I’m going off-road a bit.
Here’s what I want. I want a PR firm to take up the drought that’s devastating our state. From here on instead of seeing a glowing blood red depiction of our state, I want new fun colors (red and it’s little friends yellow and orange are forbidden), maybe rainbows built on blues or cheery little depictions of woodland creatures frolicking across the state with some catchy hip slogan that would work as a bumper sticker. And a mother fucking jingle. That’s right, I want to turn on the TV and I want to see a dancing little cartoon singing about how awesome this is and showing the evils of water. I want the puddles to look like vicious little wet demons hellbent on ruining everyone’s life. Everything that relies on water (that are not human) will be villainized. We need the ad company who worked on the roaches for the Raid commercials or maybe those guys that came-up with the toe nail fungus demon to step-up. I want them to pitch something that makes the drought seem fun and lighthearted while making the viewers want to boo and hiss at anything with water – whether it’s rain, a meandering river or kids playing in a sprinkler. If the American Indian with the single tear cries about pollution, I want viewers to sit up and see him as wasting a resource. Maybe the pitchmen could even convince people that water is bad for you. Sure, this might work against all the recommendations we’ve ever received from doctors and nutritionists, but if it lifts us up when the ground cracks, how can that be all that bad?
It might even have the benefit of finally selling people on the wacky ideas like water conservation or even xeriscaping.
Ultimately, I don’t care about the benefits. I just want to feel happy when I see on the news “nine more years of drought predicted” because I have a song in my heart that makes it all ok.
Clouds make us sad
They can really turn things bad
When they take our sun away