At the beginning of March, the Governor of Texas (that little plot of land I live in) lifted the mask mandate and increased the capacity of all businesses in Texas to 100 percent. When I read that news, it sat there in the air like a bad Frito pie on a still day in August, and my brain did the thing it loves to do best when faced with potentially stressful information – it dumped a load of adrenaline into my system while screaming, “Throw up your hands, kids! It’s anxiety attack time!”
Quick housekeeping note: This isn’t a post about Governor Abbot’s decision. I believe we’re all reasonable people who have very passionate opinions, and I respect you enough that I’m not going to try to beat you over the head with mine. I mean, it’s pretty spot on, and definitely the right point of view, but I respect your right to be woefully misguided. See, don’t we all feel better?
Like I said, this post has nothing to do with where I stand on the mask/no-mask line, and more to do with the fact that in a year I’ve gone completely feral as social skills have devolved at an alarming rate.
My thoughts over the year ran like this:
- This is only going to last a couple of weeks – we’re doing our part! Our doors are marked. Break out the lentils and lamb!
- Why has everyone gone weird about toilet paper?
- Crap! I need to get on the hoarding bandwagon!
- Do I really need a mask?
- Ordering in is fun! I’m stimulating the economy one DQ Blizzard at a time! (Just kidding Jenn! Err… maybe not kidding)
- Hrmm… ok, maybe this is over by Summer? I’ll plan a costume party!
- Curbside margaritas? Yes, please!
- I’d better tell the parents that the holidays are off.
- If I mute my mic I can scream in meetings! Cathartic!
- If I turn off my video feed, I can make faces in meetings, too!
- Knocked out another series on Netflix!
- Birthday trip to Big Bend cancelled; we’re killing everyone in West Texas.
- No, I don’t want to talk to you on Christmas Day. Please, go away.
None of those thoughts are new or particularly unique to me. And actually the folks over at the blog The Dihedral did a much better/funnier job of summing up exactly how I feel and how things have changed in their recent and quite clever post Then and Now.
Like most, I went from hopeful for a quick return to normal, to feeling stabby everytime someone used the phrase “new normal.” It doesn’t matter how you brand it, it’s not normal. I’ve gone from sitting quietly and patiently in meetings, to standing up and pacing the room in big circles when they’re dragging or occur right after lunch. I started wearing flipflops and t-shirts regularly. Funny thing. It turns out I can still produce the same quality of work while wearing something that looks much dumber with matching dumb and uncomfortable shoes. Also, natural lighting and open windows are kind of nice.
How can Governor Abbot reasonably expect me to return? I can already picture that first day with that first post-lunch meeting as the presenter drones on and I’m expected to keep my seat with a placid look on my face. It’s going to be Hell. And considering that I have no facial control on a good day, pre-Covid and despite my very best efforts for a semblance of restraint, I know I’m still going to be rudely kicked under the conference table by my delightfully evil ginger midget colleague as she endeavors to get me back in line. Hrmm, I’m probably going to be expected to not refer to her in that way anymore either. Something non-PC about referring to her as “evil” I suppose. No wonder I had that anxiety attack. The world is turning upside down again.
On a more serious note, this year I’ve been reminded of how important our community of friends and family is – how a simple hug can resonate through your soul and nearly drop you to your knees in tears – how real connection, that we had taken for granted for so long, is essential to our physical and emotional wellbeing.
I’ve adapted as needed. I have a gym in my living room. I moved out of my office to work where I can stare out of the front windows. (I’m now the Gladys Kravitz of the street – ask me about the rocket ship I’m certain the neighbors are building.) I’ve tried new things. I’ve gone back to old things. I’ve traveled. And while I arguably feel more comfortable than most, I declined two recent offers for larger gatherings. The idea of them makes me extremely anxious – even with vaccinations. (I’ve had my first.)
I’m nervous about returning to the world.
How will that look? How will it work?
That’s technically the end of this post. Stick around for a playlist.
During the summer, I was fairly distraught, so I asked friends for their best “f-you/I’ve got this” songs. I culled through the suggestions and put together a decent playlist. I’ve played it way too many times, so much so it’s become my Covid “woobie”. It’s also now one of my workout playlists. I also promised Jarod I’d share it, so really… this is for Jarod. I’m just a few (many) months late. 😊 Jarod, I’m putting asterisks by some of my favorites:
- Rich, White, Straight Men – Kesha – (not recommended for RWSM)
- F**k You – Lily Allen
- Bye Bye – Jo-dee Messina
- March March – The Chicks
- Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On) – Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
- Angels of the Silences – Counting Crows
- Work B**ch – Britney Spears
- Go Your Own Way – The Cranberries
- Oh Well – Pt. 1 – Fleetwood Mac
- Sing a Song – Earth, Wind & Fire
- All Night – Icona Pop
- The Middle – Jimmy Eats World
- Firework – Katy Perry
- Basso Profundo** – DeVotchKa
- Say What You Mean** – Lunachicks
- Sheela-Na_Gig – PJ Harvey
- F**k You** – Headstones
- Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson
- Blow Me (One Last Kiss)** – Pink
- Come With Me Now – KONGOS
- Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels – Todrick Hall
- Boss Bitch** – Doja Cat
- Love Bites (So Do I) – Halestorm
- Make Me Wanna Die – The Pretty Reckless
- U+Ur Hand – Pink
- Blank Space** – I Prevail (a recent add after hearing their remake of Taylor Swift’s song)