Dear Syfy

It’s safe to say that it was only a matter of time before I felt compelled to send a letter to Syfy.  You know, that channel with the stupid name. The one that is apparently synonymous with wrestling, paranormal reality shows and cheap thrillers like “Frankenfish” and “Mega Snake”.  It’s that same channel that used to be associated with Science Fiction.

Well, their great offense this time was the cancelling of Eureka.  This is a problem for me since we just discovered Eureka last year, after diligently avoiding it, because well… the show seemed really goofy. I have to say that over this past year the show has really grown on me.  It is definitely goofy, but it’s my kind of goofy the kind that makes me feel like an overgrown lab puppy clumsily frolicking about after just discovering their tail and since you’ll normally find me watching shows like Dexter, or Shameless, or The Wire (well, not so much any more), it provides a fun mental break.

My simple understanding of what happened was that Syfy ordered up a 6th season, waited until Comic Con was over and then said “nah, seeing that you’re our number one scripted show at the moment, we’ve decided not to do that 6th season thing”.

When I read the article I knew I would end up writing them a letter.  Why you’re hearing about it is that Dad suggested I make it a blog entry after I made him snicker a bit.

I won’t actually post the letter, but I’ll share some of the highlights.  My thought process when I composed it went a bit like this:  I could write something quite eloquent, carefully lay out a well-crafted argument pointing out their obvious mistake and I will be rewarded for that effort by receiving a form letter thanking me for my feedback – something about how my input as a viewer is valued and then perhaps directing me to a survey to reflect on what I thought about their response OR I could write what I was thinking and get the exact same thing only I would get the added bonus of feeling that certain condescending smugness I get when I’m being kind of rude to people I think are stupid.  Either way, no one would care what I said, but at least if I was a jerk, I’d make myself giggle a bit.  Giggling is always good.

I started out being reasonable.  I pointed out previous beloved Science Fiction shows that were wrongfully cancelled.  I mocked several of their new shows as well as the aforementioned wrestling and paranormal reality shows.  Then, I kind of asked them if the reason they seemed to hate Science Fiction so much was because geeks were mean to them at school – I even listed a few things that geeks might have done to them to make them feel small and miserable and suggested that getting rid of quality Science Fiction programming was their way of lashing out at all of the geeks.  I also mentioned that in their attempt to get new programming they had to rip off shows from the BBC (ok, so far it’s just the one, but I see a pattern emerging – a pattern of one, but still). I tried to help by further suggesting that they should continue to troll around the BBC for new shows, since they do have better programming, and I steered them towards Dr. Who where I recommended they call the American version Dr. Huh and the doctor could drive around in a gas guzzling Cadillac that was “…bigger on the inside”.  Brilliant!  When that series comes out, I’m watching it and I want credit.

Anyway, it’s safe to say that Eureka won’t be extended because of my tirade, but I did feel better after writing it.  I am a little sad, though.  I have yet to receive a note back thanking me for my valued input and I’m pretty sure that once they read it, it was valued.

I Also Hate Aliens



I had a message on my phone the other day that went kind of like this:

“Beth, do you like The Event?  I hear it’s just like Lost.  I mean, I’ve never seen Lost, so pardon the pun, I was “lost” in it; it was too confusing.  However, I love The Event.

I’ve had a few people ask me for my take on this show after it premiered, usually people who didn’t watch Lost, but they knew I did and they seemed to be asking for my blessing or looking to bond, since they missed their bonding chance with Lost.  It took me a bit (a whole few minutes), but I finally found the premiere

online and watched.

Here are my thoughts having watched a whole 2 1/2 episodes of The Event:

  • It’s not Lost (not necessarily a bad thing – I didn’t always light a candle at the altar of Lost)
  • It’s not even Lost-light, well maybe it is if you’re pretty loose with your comparisons – there are mysterious happenings on The Event and there were mysterious happenings on Lost and some are sustained from episode to episode – practically the same show. 
  • By episode two we know the big mystery is aliens who crashed on Earth and are now a bit miffed
  • I really hate aliens
  • Blame the X-Files

I’m not against all aliens – sure, I think Ferengi, Klingons/Jaffa, Cardassians, Wraith and the Centauri are fairly annoying and that the Hirogen are just the Star Trek kid cereal approved rip-off of Predator, but if those lovely people from Caprica came looking for a place known as Earth, I think we could find a spot for them and their generic mid-western accents.  They look like us, they sound like us and hey, they have cars and hearses, which means they might have similar burial rituals (honestly, who can trust a society that doesn’t’ stick with the 6’ below the ground or “light ‘em up” rule of thumb? Stuffing your dead in a jar for a year and tucking it away in a corner may be great where you come from, but I’m not coming over for tea anytime soon if that clay pot is actually your grandmother nestled away next to the table – it’s not you, it’s me).  At the very least, the fact that they invented cars is a sign that they have combustion engines and where there’s a combustion engine there was once fire and wheels – and we all know those are the cornerstones of any trustworthy civilization.  If they can’t make fire, but they do have a ship, there’s something hinky going on.

 

I will admit, I’m not against all aliens (just a particular disdain for most bipedal, oxygen breathers). I do kind of dig those quirky little bugs that lived in the slum of District 9 – can you believe their love of Alpo? Crazy things!  And what sort of backward individual doesn’t love the Asgard clones?  “Thor, ol’ buddy!” And I even take a shine to those frisky guys that burst from your chest. However, that’s about the limit of my alien tolerance.  ALF I’m looking at you.

 

What actually killed aliens for me? the whole X-Files alien conspiracy. I was an X-Files fan girl – they had many great episodes, but every few episodes or so a writer would get uppity and say, “hey, we need to get back on that over-arching storyline – ease up on those random chupacabra ghost encounters and dust off the alien conspiracy again.  Hey this time, instead of beating the Samantha abduction thing to death, let’s throw in some bees and a cornfield; our audience will eat it up – black oozing eyes FTW!  We’ll even sew up the guy’s mouth.  CREEEPY, eh??”  But it wasn’t, it sucked, it was overly confusing and it detracted from the show.  Is the cigarette smoking man really Mulder’s father?  I don’t care.  Now get Mulder and Scully back on that werewolf sighting or that family where mama was a mouthy, hillbilly torso strapped to a board.

As I was watching The Event and we get to the part where the plane heads through the portal just in the nick of time to avoid hitting the president, I told Jay “if it’s something crazy like angry angels or ghosts, I’ll stand by the show and continue to watch, BUT if it’s aliens like I think it’s going to be, I’m throwing in the towel”.  And sure as shit it was aliens.  Aliens who look like us, live longer than us and are pretty pissed that they are stuck in Alaska – I would be, too.  And now they’re roaming around (a few avoided detention) and they have A PLAN! A crazy plan that apparently involves picking on some dopey guy who just wanted to take a cruise with his girlfriend, but he’s slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together.  *YAWN*

Do I like it?  No.  If they’re actually stuffed in purgatory and this is a schizophrenic’s fantasy, let me know.