Houston, We Have a Problem

Let’s just get it out there – I’m not keen on cell phone use especially when you’re driving. Sure, I have a bigger beef with it now since the woman who hit my brand new car, my car I got to replace the junker I used to drive, the car I got as my reward to me for driving that junk I hated for 11 years, the car I got with everything in it the dealership offered to replace the shell and wheels I could afford before, the car I got site unseen because I had researched it and knew that I wouldn’t be happy unless it was a particular color versus “you can only have this one in iris” “ok, I hate it, but I’ll take it” – while doing about 68 miles an hour down the highway. BUT AT LEAST I’M NOT #!@#$ing BITTER ABOUT IT.

There, I feel better a little better. Yes, I know you are the brilliant little focused miracle that can multi-task in the car. You can drive with your knees, have one hand on a map and blather away on the phone. What happened to me, a freak accident by one of those “other” little phone users who aren’t as adept as you. It’s really a small percent of us bucolic knuckle draggers that need to keep their eyes on the road and their hands at 10 and 2. It’s only out of jealousy that I golf-clap at your amazing skills.

Surprisingly enough, that isn’t my gripe today of which I actually have two. One being that I couldn’t easily find a picture to download of My Favorite Martian and the other – blue tooth headset users. My great idea of comparing and contrasting how Ray Walston as the lovable martian, Uncle Martin, was infinitely cooler with his antennae blew up when I couldn’t download the photo I wanted. Sure, I could likely find something from Star Trek that would fit and think there was something in the first season of the new Dr. Who that would do, but that would involve me looking at a long list of episode titles to make a point.

Needless to say, it is physically impossible to look cool when you’re wearing a blue tooth headset and that’s the only thing I can possibly think you’re trying to achieve when it is slapped to the side of your head 24/7. It’s cool in the way that wearing those martian antenna balls are cool, you know the ones on the springs affixed to a headband. It’s cool in the way that wearing Vulcan ears all day at work and the day is not October 31st, is cool. My point… it’s not cool. And that’s all I can think you could be shooting for by being plugged in that long. You’re saying either “I’m cool” or “I’m in high demand… and cool”.

My advice. Stick to the hidden wire, FBI style that stays connected to your phone. No one can see it. And it’s cooler to look like you’re talking to invisible people. Or better still, admit that mission control doesn’t need you for this one. Houston, all systems are a go and the launch will be a success without you.

2 thoughts on “Houston, We Have a Problem

  1. Googly-eyed Car says:

    How did you know I like to drive with my knee? Have you been watching me?

  2. […] issues like tech support (Rant: Tech Support  and A Rant for Lynn, A story for Tony) and about cell phone wielding drivers who side-swiped my car while barreling down the highway at 70 MPH.  And I’ve shared the plight of our plucky beagle […]

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