It’s about time I confessed. For years now, I’ve presented myself as a sarcastic middle-aged Texan. I’ve made outrageous claims only to state them as fact. For example: “Houston is the armpit of the state”. I might not have said it quite so boldly, but the careful reader could easily read between the lines. “All virus writers should be publicly caned”, because they have it coming. I’ve told the occasional story about myself mentioning things like I used to play in the orchestra, knowing all of my readers know orchestras are cool. (They are, but only because they have violas. You could wipe out the entire violin section and have a phenomenal orchestra. True story.) I mentioned I have a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do (I’m always ready to run from a good fight). I’ve retold stories about when I was a young five year old sociopath who valiantly tried (and unfortunately failed) to kill the neighborhood ice cream man (he had it coming). There may have been a rant or two or twenty – about universally annoying issues like tech support (Rant: Tech Support and A Rant for Lynn, A story for Tony) and about cell phone wielding drivers who side-swiped my car while barreling down the highway at 70 MPH. And I’ve shared the plight of our plucky beagle named Sam (she’s a girl, get it through your heads) and her very bad knees.
I know there’s been a lot of speculation out there – rumors floating around on the internet. Can this gal really be this much of a mess? Is she really blue? Or even a Texan? Are you kidding me, a June Creativity Challenge – do I have to read every day? Or can I just skim and call it good? Will she stop in July? Please?
There have even been some amusing guesses – among my favorites are “Is the Big Blue Mess really a weather balloon launch maker from Finland?” and “Is the BBM’s author actually a man from Rhode Island posing as a transgendered copper miner living in Colombia?” Outrageous stuff!
So, I decided to set the record straight. I am actually just a sarcastic middle-aged Texan with a beagle named Sam who rants a lot, improvs badly and just pulled a blog flashback episode in an attempt to get another “creative” thing marked off of this challenge. (We’re almost halfway there! WOOT!)
(But as a more serious aside, I’m a little annoyed about the Damascus blogger hoax, thus the tie-in. Could someone please explain to me why the blogger did that? I get that he didn’t realize the blog would draw that much international attention, but what was the point? And how do I really know that the hoax isn’t the hoax and some girl is suffering in Syria?)