Every year that I put together a fundraising team for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) Out of the Darkness Walk, I’m asked “Why do you walk?” My answer is always some variation of, “I walk to remove the stigma surrounding suicide. I walk to honor my husband who was my best friend and my favorite person. I walk because I want people to know Jay was more than one event.” That answer then gets published somewhere on social media with a photo of Jay and our team’s logo.

While my answer is a “honest” answer, a “nice” answer, a “socially palatable” answer, it’s not the “full” answer. Here’s more…

I walk/raise awareness/fundraise because…

• I want to make a real difference in this world
• I don’t want to passively sit by as a helpless victim
• I get angry every time says something ignorant about…
  • Suicide
  • Depression
  • Mental illness
  • The reasons behind Jay’s death
    • “Was he molested?”
    • “Did his parents or a family member do something to him?”
    • “Y’know, people who die by suicide have always had a traumatic event.” (This is absolutely untrue – there is no single reason.)
• I get angry every time someone
  • Makes a joke about suicide and people laugh with/support them
  • Uses suicide as a punch line
  • Uses suicide as a plot device in a story
• I get angry because I’m not allowed to scream every time someone has a bad day and puts their fingers to their head or in their mouth, or they pantomime tying a noose around their necks
• I get sad when I hear other people’s stories
  • About their struggles
  • About their inadequate access to mental health care
  • About lack of support from their families/communities/the healthcare system. (I know how very fortunate I am to have the support I have. If you want to experience something truly heartbreaking, join any of the suicide support groups and hear the stories of people who have been abandoned as they navigate the death of their loved one.)
• I get sad when I think about how Jay never saw himself as special or important, and I wish he could see how wrong he was. I wish he could see how each year we’ve been more and more successful in his name.

And to be perfectly honest, I also push this cause hard, because I want to “win.” I want to stomp every fundraising team out there.

Now the truth is, there is no losing. By all of us getting out there and raising funds/awareness, everyone wins and that’s thanks to all of you and your support. Every dollar makes an impact.

But y’know what, I also want to be the #1 fundraising team. Just once. In the six event we participated in as a team, we’re always the bridesmaid – oftentimes the ring bearer. Which let me state again, there are no losers; however, I’m still crazy competitive. Also, you should know, if I tasted that sweet sweet #1 victory, I’d want to “win” again… and again… and again. This fundraising monster knows no satiation.

Speaking of winning – as of yesterday, we’ve raised a little over $8k, just about $1880 short of a very high/aggressive goal. I believe that makes this our most successful campaign, yet. (I’m waiting on stats from the area director to confirm.)

Huge thanks to everyone for their donations and continued support!

Anyway…

Next Saturday, October 26th, is the actual walk, which will be followed by a welcome reprieve from me pestering you all to support this cause.

If you’d still like to support the team, AFSP and the many people it benefits could use your support. Click the link to our fundraising page and join our team as a walker (either virtual or in-person), or make a donation to help get us closer to that goal. (And maybe overtake the #3 fundraising team. Did I mention I’m competitive?).

So, to come back full circle…

Why do I walk?

I walk because I want to make a difference in this world. I walk because I’m mad. I walk because I’m sad, too. And I walk to help remove the stigma surrounding seeking help for mental illness and around suicide. I walk for those who can’t. I walk for Jay, because he mattered and because he was more than one event.