I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a year’s end wrap-up post, because one thing I’ve learned in all my many trips around the sun is that people LOVE hearing about another person’s extremely tailored, funhouse-mirror view of their lives (psst, this is typed using Sarcastic font™ – I’m calling that out, because I’m not sure which fonts WordPress supports, and this may end up looking like I used plain ol’ Calibri (Body), making you think I’m being serious). You’ve been around social media. You know the posts. “Here’s a collage of the fancy drink I consumed. Oooh, and here’s another of my toes enjoying picturesque sunsets.” For the record, all the drinks I consumed this year, including this Snapple, are quite fancy.

While toying with the what and how of what I want to express, I’ve decided I want to create a post that’s honest – I want to show a realistic view of the ups/downs. Not well-pedicured toes on a beach, but my real (metaphoric) toes, those beat-up ol’ tootsies that look like I shimmy up heavily barked trees barefoot regularly, against a barren asphalt jungle. For now, these ideas are simmering in the back of my mind while I flesh out that particular highlight reel.

However, there’s one topic I decided to tease out and let stand on its own – a review of the books I’ve read, which is kinda small. I was going to say, “arguably kind of small,” but then I realized there wasn’t much of an argument; it’s pitifully tiny at about 10 books. Unfortunately for you, my friend, this does not mean this review will be pitifully tiny. Bless your hopeful heart. I always find your optimism refreshing. I mean, let’s face it, I have to “me” and “me” is not known for brevity.

Before I dive in, let me offer a brief disclaimer: well-written/thoughtful/thought-provoking reviews aren’t my forte. Instead, I give you my preferred Tarzan style of review, “I like book. Book good. Book make Beth think. Yay book.”

Two books that really stood out for me this year:

• The Clementine Complex (or if you’re in the UK, The Satsuma Complex) – Bob Mortimer
  • It’s light, quirky and fun. with a main character who occasionally checks-in with the local squirrels for advice. Although sometimes that advice comes completely unsolicited. Squirrels, am I right? The book is just delightful.
  • Fun fact: Thanks to this book, I learned a satsuma is not a seated wrestler in a loin cloth, and thus this book is neither about their emotional struggles nor their gymnasium situation. The more you know!
• Chain Gang All-Stars – (or if you’re in the UK, Chain Gang All-Stars, in case you’re wondering) – Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah
  • It’s dystopian sci-fi set in the near future with a strong/pointed statement about criminality and the prison system within the US. At times, it can feel heavy-handed, but it didn’t bother me, and it made me aware of several laws, cases and practices driving our prison system that are extremely unjust and problematic.
  • The story is filled with rich and well-developed characters; they feel authentic – from Loretta Thurwar to Simon J. Craft.

Thankfully, there are many gifted reviewers out there who can provide real reviews if you find you’re interested in any of the titles I mentioned.

I probably should have led with this, but I feel I need to provide some background about my taste which may help you decide whether you should turn away from these reviews. I’ll start by sharing a secret – one which may come as a huge surprise to many of my friends – I loathe fantasy novels. They make me twitch. They rank right up there with romance novels, another genre I can’t take. I find them cringey – their plots largely formulaic, trite and hackneyed. (For John – they’re the literary eqivalent of 30 minute meandering improvised jazz flute solo.) Mention an elf, or a dryad, a lusty selkie or a dwarf, and my eyes are going to get lodged in the back of my head while I turn a sickly shade of green. Add a character attempting to reclaim a throne after being cajoled into coming out of hiding to depose the mad/evil whatever plaguing the land, and I’ll rudely (and loudly) dry heave at your epic tale.

That’s just my thing – feel free to love what you love – the world is better because you do.

My bias – stories that make me feel deeply. I love a good punch in the gut from a book – a story that breaks you down and leaves you emotionally scarred. If I’m not wrecked by the end of a story, I probably didn’t enjoy the book. Give me those stories, fill them with flawed/relatable characters and serve them on a standard fiction or sci-fi platter, and I’m in book bliss.

However, I need balance – too many of those stories back-to-back and I start to drift around the world as a joyless shell. Thus, there’s a “happy protocol” that Jay instituted which slams into place in case of a moping emergency. It’s a situation that demands I force myself to read something lighter.

That brings me to three other books I read this year. These are books I enjoyed that happened to break my strict “no fantasy” and “no romance” rule.

• Five Broken Blades – Mai Corland
  • The fantasy version of Ocean’s Eleven (Ocean’s 8, Ocean’s Twelve, Ocean’s Thirteen, The Italian Job – you get the idea)
• Fourth Wing & Iron Wing – Rebecca Yarros
  • Fantasy lady porn with strong female characters, smoking hot enigmatic brooding dudes who aren’t intimidated by these women, nor are they shopping for a mom (did I mention this is fantasy?). Also, DRAGONS!! (The cool horses of the fantasy world, as everyone knows.)
  • The only embarrassing anecdote I’ll add is – as I was reading this book at work over lunch, one of my male co-workers walked by and said, “Hello!” right as I was in the middle of a super spicy scene. I was so startled, I nearly knocked my book over. I immediately turned bright red, flipped it closed, clearly signaling “I’m not up to anything” and shoved down the urge to demand, “Why? What did you see?!?!?!” before I remembered the correct response when a person says “Hello” is actually to offer a greeting in kind. “Hi!” Note to self: do not read spicy literature in the office cafeteria ever again.

I will be reading their sequels – only because I’m a completionist. Umm, I don’t like the books, you do. I’m doing this for science???

After I finished those three books, I decided maybe I actually liked fantasy novels. So, I grabbed another fantasy book – one with reasonably high ratings, and dove in. My bad. It was awful, and that’s mostly because it lacked proper editing or maybe any editing. The more I read, the more the book gave the impression it was self-published and self-edited while the guy was blind drunk.

I cannot stress enough the importance of having a good editor – someone who can look at your work critically and boldly/bluntly look you in the fact and tell you your beautiful baby is actually ugly (if it’s actually ugly). If I were at a publishing house, I’d use the book as an example to pointedly explain the value of having a good editor onboard and how things can go upside down when you don’t.

While the book had some solid story ideas, I got distracted by small issues like a paragraph where the author used the word “very” about 15 times (not an exaggeration). There were so many easily fixable issues that even the most novice editor should have caught them in subsequent read throughs. Once I realized I wanted a printed copy and a red pen, I knew I was done. I’m not going to share the title, but ooft. I’m glad his friends/family supported him. (Like the 10 of you with me. Love you core 10!)

Also, the truth is I couldn’t write as well as he did on any given day. Heck, I’d be over the moon to receive a one-star review for my writing, I’d run around whooping about how I’d made it on the board. I’d frame that shit. “I got a one! I got a one! WOOOO! Suck it, no stars!”

The book was so bad, I stopped reading and listening to audiobooks for about two months. I’d try, and then go, “it’ll let you down, best not risk the inevitable disappointment.”

When I picked up my next book, it did just that. A friend of mine and I read thrillers/horror every year around Halloween to get us in the “spirit”. I guess that’s the spirit of scaring ourselves to death and questioning why roaches and rats are always so prevalent. Horror is yet another genre I don’t cotton to. (Do people “cotton to” things anymore?) So, once again take what follows with a huge grain of salt.

The book was String Follow by Simon Jacobs. It’s definitely readable (had an editor), but it really lacked something for me – it was neither scary nor thrilling (and I’m someone who fears mirrors (thanks Bloody Mary and pre-teen slumber parties), the closet and the underneath of all beds at night). The book just had this rather pathetic evil entity, that likely twirled its incorporeal moustache, not quite sticking the landing – maybe its evil fingers got caught in its evil nose hairs mid twirl? I kept expecting that I’d turn the page and be scared, but that never happened. Sure, a couple of characters died. I mean, evil should get some wins so the reader understands it means business. By the end, I just wanted to pull the dark entity aside, sit it down, and give it a pep talk, “You did good little buddy, you lurked, you ruined some lives, you nearly terrorized a town full of pitiful teens. I mean sure, they probably would have gotten there on their own, but you tipped that scale a little. Bless your wee dark heart. Maybe next town, ok? Oh, now now. You’re still scary, lil’ fella. You got this. Now go on. Get. I’ll wave to you from the driveway.” I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the reaction the writer was going for.

Let me say again, that as someone who can’t write fiction to save my life, I’d be beyond the moon to write a book as well as that author did. So, I feel like a bit of an ass saying anything negative about it.

There were the other books I read which were fine – some delightful warm hugs while others walked a very (x15 ) thin tightrope thanks to the use of suicide as a plot device (something that seems quite popular these days, needs to be handled with great sensitivity, and causes me to grind my teeth).

Overall, the books I read (even the one with the pitiful evil thing) were enjoyable.

I definitely look forward to my 2025’s reads. The sequels I’m reading for science, the books from my TBR pile, and those I stumble across. Heck, even my Halloween read, which will hopefully give me a little scare (but not too much).

Before I run off – just a quick plug: Support your local libraries and bookstores! If you can’t break away to visit one of them, there are a couple of options that will still help your bookstores out. If you listen to audiobooks, consider using Libro.fm which allows your purchases to go to your designated local bookstore. Bookshop.org does the same for those who love to have an actual book in-hand.