suicide

  • Every Year…

    Every year she comes back and asks us to donate to AFSP. Blahblahblah. Hand outstretched yet again. We get it. Your husband died. But that’s your cause that ain’t mine. “Please donate to our walk.” “Please help end the stigma associated with seeking help for mental health.” “Please help end suicide.” I’ve heard that request…

  • It’s About a Dog

    A few thoughts have been flitting around my head. They’re not the best thoughts, nor the most insightful, nor even the most original. They’re simply my thoughts in this moment – in this time – perfectly ordinary from a perfectly ordinary person whose blog you’ve chosen to read (and for that I am grateful). The…

  • Four Years, Two Months & a Handful of Days

    This is one of the rare posts that I’m not sharing on Social Media. I recognize that when I do, it’s with the intent to alert my family and friends that I’ve been writing again and I really need some “Likes” (watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix (it’s well-done) and then blame the platform developers…

  • I Won’t Be Silent

    Fundraiser: Support The Jay Walkers for the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk

  • Words Matter

    My husband Jay died by suicide. It was not romantic or noble or beautiful or any other positive feeling you might have seen portrayed in a movie. Mozart’s emotionally stirring Requiem didn’t play softly in the background, nor did a dove take flight in slow motion during the event that changed our lives. No, what…

  • Join Me in Supporting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

    On July 9, 2016, while waiting to disembark from my plane, I turned off the “airplane mode” setting on my phone, and a text came through, “I won’t be able to pick you up today.” It was from my husband. I wasn’t alarmed; sometimes the world could be too much. Sometimes he couldn’t handle the…

  • July 9, 2016

    WARNING: The following post contains certain details regarding Jay’s suicide, and the aftermath. It may be inappropriate for some readers. Did you know? My question in return: Can you tell? At what point in that text exchange would you get Jay help? Tell me. Please. What is it you think I missed? I was exhausted…

  • The Unspoken Cutoff Date

    Seventeen Days In seventeen days it will be the second anniversary of Jay’s death. There have been two missed anniversaries, 24 missed monthiversaries, and four missed birthday celebrations (both mine and his). I count each one. And it’s been heavily implied that time is running out. I should stop mourning. I need to pack those…

  • Assigning Blame

    If you followed the recent news, you may have noticed that we lost two beloved celebrities last week. And I’m here to tell you that their loss had zero real impact on my life. By that same token, I also recognize that their deaths strongly impacted those around me, and they definitely impacted their friends,…

  • Happy Anniversary

    “Happy Anniversary” Jay’s whisper floated through the haze of my dreams every year on this day – spoken as he went to bed late in the night. “Happy Anniversary,” my groggy reply. “I love you.” Today is the second year I woke up after midnight and whispered into the air that wish to an empty…

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