Bander Cat

Tori (aka Toree, aka Bisschen, aka Wee or Wee Ebil – our favorite h8ling) sent me the following about her sister Beth’s cat, Bander Cat. Tori was kind enough (I’m sure lightning is striking the same place multiple times) to let me share:

I was reading your Big Blue Mess and stumbled on the story of Kitty Biscuit
… I know where he is!!! He’s gone home to be with Bander Cat … full name
Bander Snatch (named after a bar in Tempe, AZ) … AKA Bander Cat Black Bastard
Spawn of Satan … This is/was Beth and Scott’s cat.

See … Scott’s girlfriend got this cat. Scott hates cats. This sweet little
black cat with legs too short for his body and a even shorter tail got lost one
day; he was picked up by the fuzz fuzz. Kitty Jail! … Scott being the good
boyfriend went and rescued this sweet kitten. Brought him home … gave him some
milk and was thanked with a swarm of claws to his bare legs. What happened to
Bander in kitty jail we will never know, as he would never speak of it. He came
out a changed cat. Hardened and bitter and MEAN.

Bander loved half and half (who doesn’t?). He liked a dish for breakfast. He would come into the kitchen at coffee time and ask in his ever so sweet way … /claw claw /bleed /bleed. You gave up the creamy goodness as fast as you could.

Bander also had a girlfriend – Beth’s very expensive huge fluffy
Victoria’s Secret terry robe. Bander called it his “bitch” and he would use and
abuse the robe daily. If you tried to shake him off his girlfriend you were
clawed until you ran bleeding and screaming from the room. Bander
disappeared one day. Beth and Scott waited and waited for his return. After a
week they came to terms with the fact that Bander was gone. They rejoiced.

Another week rolls around and the couple across the street return from their two-week vacation. They open their garage door and out runs Bander.
Weak and pissy he runs across to his house.

Into the kitchen he goes … Beth and Scott are stunned. Bander has been two weeks without food or water! Beth grabs the 1/2 & 1/2 bottle from the fridge and
/claw/claw /bleed/bleed … Bander thanks her for the treat and the welcome
home.

Beth and Scott decide to move farther north and its moving day. Scott has the cat carriers hidden so Bander doesn’t get wise. We clean the house they are leaving … spic and span. This place gleamed! I just finished the kitchen floor as the last thing done before we roll out of town when Scott runs in the back door pouring blood all over my spotless floor. He looks like he fought and lost to a piece of farm equipment! Chain Saw? Wood Chipper? Nope … Bander. Seems he took offense to the whole cat carrier thing (kitty jail flashback?)

Years later Beth and Scott are moving back to AZ.
Bander is wise to this packing, moving truck, cleaning behind the fridge thing.
He up and disappears. It is minutes to take off. Three days drive ahead of us.
Still no Bander.

We leave a cat carrier with the new homeowners with a phone number to a local friend. “If Bander shows up please crate him /snicker and call this number. A friend will pick him up and mail his carcass to AZ.”

Off we go … Three days drive. We get to AZ and our house isn’t ready … OY … Off we go to visit and crash at various houses of people we hadn’t seen in years. Scott parks the truck out in the desert to wait for unloading.

Four days go by and we get the nod to move in. Of course this is AZ in the summer and the average temp has been 102. We start unloading. Soooo Hooooot … Muuust geeet beeer. As I sit my hinny on the back of the truck … pretending to be pondering where the next item should go … I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Yup, you guessed it … Bander Cat

7 days … no water … no food (unless you count the hops from Scott’s home brewing being nibbled on but not eaten) 4 of those days in the back of a closed moving truck in 102 degree weather. He’s Alive! … He’s the anti Christ! Why isn’t he dead? Oh yes … this cat is EVIL!

To make a looong story shorter. Bander never forgave them for the truck thingy. He moved into the sewers of Mesa, AZ and made fast friends with the rats. He still
came home in the morning to tear legs to shreds for his morning cream, but other
then that he was sewer bound.

One day he never came home for his half and half. They assumed he finally went to be with his dark lord. Nobody is sure … They still get calls from people who swear they have seen him … Bander Cat … Spawn of Satan … Friend of Kitty Biscuit?

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