The Move

The move was rather painless, but I’ll try to squeeze out a few highlights. First, let’s start with closing. We walk into the conference room that is set to about 60. Now, I’m a multi-generational Texan – what that means is if the temperature dips below about 82 I’m scrambling for a jacket – it’s called evolution. Through careful selection I am perfectly bred to survive comfortably in this part of the country. So needless to say that come winter, where the temperatures dip into the 30’s, I’m breaking out the parka and snowshoes while wearing at least 3 layers of clothes. Yes, I’ve visited the Northeast in the winter and even seen Quebec in the fall. I know it can be colder, but that’s why I don’t live there – I would die. I’m just not made of the same hearty stuff that forced people to be driven by Manifest Destiny.

Anyway, I’m in this room and it’s at least 60 degrees. Our title company maven with white blonde hair that matches perfectly her white blonde outfit and contrasts with her perma tan skin steps in. She’s fanning up a storm using her documents to whip the air around her. She settles in and turns on a fan – the kind they use on movie sets to simulate windstorms, hurricanes and the like. Needless to say I spent my time hunkered down trying to use all parts of the desk to shield me from the air.

Now this woman was loud and if you know Jay and me we’re a lot like quiet and timid squirrels. If you move too fast or make too much noise we like to scurry under furniture while twitching our tails. Several times our real estate agent would have to lure us out with nuts in the form of quiet explanations of what this former aging mafia princess was barking out. The woman would listen to our agent and there let out a shrill laugh that could peel paint (and is probably what actually stripped her hair of color) and would agree. If she could have reached our agent, I know she would have elbowed her as she said her, “don’t we know it, honey!!” and “isn’t that the truth, Barb!” Instead, she had to resort to winking. For a Monty Python skit, this would have been hysterical – it reality it was irritating.

The closing went as smoothly as possible although we nearly had to beat up a loan agent whom we told to send the cashier’s check over – told him twice actually and he decided we didn’t want that. When we got a hold of him he said “I sent you an e-mail this morning asking but you didn’t respond”. Fool, we didn’t have internet access and we told you yes twice. He’s currently groveling and begging me to apologize to Jay. Of course, he messed something else up and I have to go back to the title company today. To say I’m not amused is an understatement.

The actual move went by quickly. The mover guys were in and out with the stuff at the new house in about 3 hours. In my best moving days that didn’t happen and I had a lot less stuff then.

Now we’re just faced with a sea of boxes and trying to settle in to new home ownership.

We’re a part of a Home Owner’s Association (HOA). I don’t see what the benefits are since we don’t have a greenbelt, pool or anything interesting near as I can tell. I think we just get the joy of ratting out neighbors if we can see their trashcans from the streets. See, a little known fact is that seeing a trashcan could lead to years of psychological trauma. It’s TRUE! We also get to report people for having anything too decorative in their yards. Yard gnomes pushing barrels are out. If I see it, I’m calling you in. Also, don’t get too funky with your house colors; we like all shades of beige. Another fact is that houses that are too colorful can cause hysterical blindness; the HOA is doing its part to prevent that tragedy from visiting YOU. I sure hope we get an SS uniform as part of our benefits. I simply can’t wait for someone to hide a refugee; they’re going down on my watch! I’m now proud to say: Ich komme aus Pflugerville – es ist ueber alles. (Sorry, no umlauts for you.)

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