Warning: Not humorous

Let’s face it, as a whole we’re a mean group of people. I don’t mean just my friends who are now preening at the mere thought while sharpening their tongues. I mean as a nation. We love failure. Admit it nothing sells a tabloid faster than a fallen idol. Who didn’t get a chortle out of Martha Stewart being hauled off to jail or having to wear a low jack? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just me. I’m still waiting to see that shawl pattern for the one she got from her fellow inmate. I don’t know this woman, but I’m applauding her descent. Take Michael Jackson, he did it, all of it, you know it and he should be locked away even though I don’t know him, never went to Neverland, never seen him around his kids. We as a culture gobble this stuff up. It doesn’t even have to be celebrities. If we see someone doing well, we cackle gleefully when their lives suddenly go south because in the grand scheme of things they didn’t deserve what they had.

Now normally I love to try and eek out a funny story and I feel ok at that most days, but my true strength is in ranting. I can rant like there’s no tomorrow. In fact, I wish they would invent a job that would let me brandish my unique skill because I dig throwing fits and my pen is truly my sword. For me, it’s like putting on my comfy house shoes and throwing on my robe. What I’m trying to say is that I am without a funny story to post on the Mess and I’m feeling a bit guilty and this is what I have.

Sooner or later you’re going to get someone’s ire – someone feeling whatever you have you shouldn’t have; you don’t deserve it. They feel there’s some great balance in life and that if you’ve had one too many good things happen according to their particular measure then you’re long overdue for something equally nasty to happen. This comes from friends, family, co-workers and the hungry guy standing on the corner watching you waste food. I’d be a hypocrite if I hopped on my soapbox and condemned envy. We’re just an envious sort of people – you see, you covet and then sometimes you wish ill on that person. It’s not pretty but neither is life. Your special job that I’m assigning to each of you is to suck it up. Someone will always have more than you and someone will always have more than the person you’re currently fixated on. If you can’t help but feel your special little feelings, then share it with someone who is sympathetic. That person is rarely the person you’re hoping will be run over by a freight train – that’s just my feeling.

To bring this more to home and help explain why I’m throwing my particular unfunny fit and vomiting it up on the Mess – I had someone tell me today that the accident I had in the new car was long overdue since I had so many nice things happen in my life. I’m wondering when sinking myself into hideous amounts of debt on a house I won’t own until I’m nearly 70 while worrying about hail damage on my roof and finally being forced to give up a car that was literally costing me $1000 in repairs per month, having my teeth fall apart and having the dent I made into my credit card disappear – when was that a big pack of NICE things that happened? Was it when I got to work at my craptastic job for people who think I can’t use a date stamper? Was that the “nice” thing that has been going on? When exactly did I become “deserving” of wrecking my new car and having to send it to the bodyshop? The “nice” thing clearly had to be when my thyroid upchucked and died. I’m just throwing this stuff out there in case someone feels like chiming in and having a discussion of my nice, enviable life. Yeah, wah me.