Anna

Well, it’s time I kill two birds with one stone. I need to tell Lori an old story and I need to goof on one friend who owes me a story. Since Jonathan is off horsing around in some small town in Texas and swears he’s only seen “blah” films so he can’t possibly review anything at the moment, that just leaves me with Anna.

Most of you have heard this one before and to be honest there are a wealth of humorous Anna stories, but maybe she’ll tell those. Anna is by far the most mischievous person I know. When you combine her with Jonathan (you get Meghan, Maddie and Nathan but that’s beside the point and Lord help us when they grow up) you get an unstoppable tag team that will leave you speechless and beet red. Jonathan has a quick mind, a sharp tongue and lightning fast reflexes when it comes to whipping out clever remarks. Anna is similar, but as I said she’s more mischievous. If you see a twinkle in her eye just pray that eye isn’t fixed on you. Another thing you’ll need to know about Anna before I continue is that she’s been signing since around 6th grade and has her degree in deaf education. Just hold onto that thought.

Now at one point Anna lived where I did and we were roommates who did things together like shop, eat out, meet strangers off the internet and go to Six Flags. Who didn’t? There are tons of stories to demonstrate Anna’s special, wicked abilities but I’ll just focus on a few. Sooo… we’re standing at the local Chick-fil-a and I’m trying to order. The cashier gestures down the counter and says “I’ll help you down there.” Off I go to the furthest end, practically in the storage room of the restaurant when the woman has to wave me back “not that far.” Anna explains to her something like, “yes, we just got her out of her special school this week.” The woman gives Anna a courteous giggle understanding Anna is likely goofing on a friend. I place my order and then when I go to pay I have the biggest money explosion across the counter. Anna again smiles sympathetically at me and says, “that’s right Beth, you give the woman the money and she’ll give you back some change.” You can see on the cashier’s face, “oh! The nice girl wasn’t kidding. She’s brought her retarded friend to lunch, what a nice friend and poor girl.” I swear she looked at me with the saddest expression. I couldn’t say anything. I made some sort of throat gurgle, tucked my head down and then ran away with my bag of food. Mungo like sandwich.

We’re at the same mall and Anna needs cash. Out we go to the ATM with their little video camera. Now Anna is an actress or was an actress although I’d challenge anyone to say she isn’t one currently. She knows stage fighting which means you can drag Anna around the room by her hair if she’s prepared and has a firm grip on your wrist. Anyway, I’m standing behind Anna just sort of looking around when all of the sudden my hands are around Anna’s throat and she’s struggling for the camera while trying to make her transaction. I can’t let go. Anna is making all sorts of choking faces and going red while my face is saying, “What the hell?”

Now to the signing. Anna taught me how to sign and I sign well. I can competently ask for squirrel pizza (she didn’t teach me any other kinds of food although I could probably ask for horse pizza), I know most of the chorus to “500 Miles” and I can tell you a bit about a rocket launching and exploding as my heart went up at the same time and fell down. I can also sign “yes” and “no”. Why I’m not an interpreter, I’ll never know.

Anna and I go to the grocery store and I decide to practice my advanced sign language. I probably pointed to something and said “I want” or either Anna pointed at something and I signed “no”. The next thing I know Anna is signing fast and furiously along with using deaf speak. She’s obviously frustrated with me and yelling in sign and of course this scene just happens to coincide with customers walking by. Ugh. The customers shoot me the nastiest looks because it’s now apparent to them that I’m abusing my deaf friend. I’m saying things like “stop it Anna, don’t sign”. Their faces said, “oh so cruel to a deaf girl who is only trying to communicate with the mean girl.” I honestly couldn’t do anything as Anna threw up her hands, covered her eyes and said in a monotone voice with misshapen words, “I’m not listening to you!”

See, why we get along is I’m Anna’s straight man. I’m the sidekick – the Ethel to her Lucy, the Laurel to her Hardy the Laura to her Rob. Now she’s owes us all a story.

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