Tori

Written under extreme duress.

Well Tori being Tori has asked for a story about herself. I would remind her about the myth of Narcissus, but she’d have to set the mirror down and really, you don’t want to come between her and that mirror.

I know Tori as Toree and I know Toree exclusively from online. I’ve never seen her and I think I’ve only talked to her on the phone once when she was trying to track down Lynn. Her sister Beth, who is really Tikki in my world, claims Toree looks like she does online, so armed with that description I can tell you that Tori is about 1” tall, she wears her strawberry blonde hair in the fashion of Carrie Fisher before she was molested by Jabba the Hut and her well-rounded ears come to a slight point. She has hairy feet and a penchant for highly ornamented skullcaps. She suffers from a mild case of Tourette’s syndrome and a hint of dyslexia (Toree, it’s “bard” not “brad” sheesh!). If she’s convinced you to dye your armor navy blue and orange, you’ll fall into her “da Bears! Go Bears!” trap all night (and all the next day, and the next week, and the next…). Don’t let her trick you.

I tend to refer to her as a pie filled “h8ling”, which is a play on “halfling”, but the thing I love about Tori (Miss Victoria) is she’s hands down one of my all time favorite story tellers. I don’t tell her that much, because it sends her racing for her mirror. I’m not sure how she came by her natural gift to tell a good story – maybe it’s her Irish Catholic heritage, being the middle child in a gigantic family with so many characters, having a father “Pops” who was a magnificent singer or managing to trooper through so much that life has dealt her, but when she gets going you’ll sit quietly and let her spin her tale.

I’m going to butcher one of her stories in the hopes that she’ll retell it again. So, when you read it and go “huh”, remember it’s bait for Tori. Now, I can’t make it nearly as funny as Tori can, so again look for her comments. I don’t think she can resist (give her time – one handed typing with a mirror is a pain).

One of the great losses in Tori’s life was her sister Yvonne. I wish I could tell you more about Yvonne other than I believe Yvonne liked lighting a flame to her younger sister’s feet while they were asleep. Tori assures me this was hysterical (and makes me glad I don’t have siblings, especially older siblings who like fire). If I’m not mistaken, I believe Yvonne also sang as well as Pops. Anyway, the family is at the funeral looking at the flowers people have sent when they see the arrangement from Yvonne’s husband’s co-workers acknowledging the great loss of “Yvette”. Tori files this away in her head and eventually scoots into the pews with her family to listen to the service. The minister addresses the mourners talking about loss, particularly the loss of the beloved “Yolanda”. Tori, being Tori, leans over and demands loudly, “Who the hell is Yolanda, I thought we were hear for Yvette’s funeral??”

In a nutshell, that’s Tori to me – very funny and very quick even in the face of tragedy. Online she’s the kind of person who can turn a phrase in such a way, the phrase begs for mercy and you laugh until your sides hurt. I’m always blessed when she shares a story and particularly love tales of Pops, Yvonne and her sister-in-law, Becca.

To Toree — ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW? HAPPY?!?! Presents now, kkthx ~lalala. (Extra presents, since I made people think I like you.)

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4 thoughts on “Tori

  1. Beth says:

    Wee ebil – will you NOW tell the story right and proper-like?I have a forum just for you called “Your stories” – I want to hear about Yolanda and Pops!!

  2. Jonathan says:

    Its hard when one of your biggest supporter doesn’t like your stories best.So in compensation I want a story about me…. make one up if you have to! You say you can’t lie but I know you can appease vanities! Oh so tempted to be wicked wicked evil JonnyQ here 😉You have goofy stories about goofy people but you write them well, they make me laugh- me simple though.

  3. Beth says:

    Why don’t you like my stories best?MAN!!!!!

  4. Toreetotz says:

    I am not sure to what funeral Beth is refering to … All my families affairs are very dignified and somber … Now where the hell is my mirror!? ps. Yvonne put the lighter to our feet whilst yelling FIRE! at 2am … Damn you were right, I couldnt resist!

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