Well, I started a new job. It was a bit untimely since it began the day after Mom’s funeral and we got off to a bumpy start. My favorite comment at the moment being, “Beth, it’s ok if you come to the Christmas party alone. Lots of people do.” I made sure to let Jay know he was off the hook. It’s behind my other favorite from my first day at work, the day after the funeral, when I was asked in front of a large group, “Soooo Beth, tell everyone something about you.” This from someone who knew better. I had to collect myself, because I gathered no one wanted to hear, “I wish I were dead, too.” Something about that brings the mood down. People are too sensitive nowadays.

I’ve learned a ton about fashion and the maximum amount of stretch you want in pants. 1-2% for the curious. They’ve even managed to throw some praise my way. “You got your hair done. I liked the red better.” The sad thing is, I agree. The red was actually violet, and I liked it better, too.

Still, I’m troopering through.

They have contracted with incompetent IT staff who come in and half ass their job. They smile at me gleefully while trying to dazzle me with their skills. All I can think is, “Dude, I’ve run cable through ceilings, down walls and punched them down without breaking a sweat – your inability to set-up an account on an Exchange server is amazing. I give you my whole hearted golf clap. Bravo.” I’ve been such a jerk to the IT guy while text messaging in front of him “this IT guy is a complete schmuck” that he’s finally gotten the hint that I don’t think he’s cool or competent. Seriously, if you don’t share the last name with my significant other or your name isn’t Dave Benton the God of All Things IT (I include his full name, because if you’re hiring and can pay him trunk loads of cash, he’s worth it and twice more http://www.ausven.com/team/teammember.asp?id=44 – BRILLIANT guy – just BRILLIANT!)

My new mission – I’m trying to identify the nerds in the group; I need friends! Among all the formal business attire, it’s becoming a bit of a challenge, but there’s hope – one guy wears sweater vests, says his girlfriend dresses him and has a slight overbite. I see great promise in that one. Now I have to figure out how to work things like “rail gun” or “I like to think of this report as my preciousssss, how about YOU???” and then I’ll lean in, elbow him and wink.”

Anyway, that’s my state of the Beth account for this week. I’m still working on finding humor. Give me some more time.

EDIT NOTE: Seth, I now reserve the right to edit up to 24 hours after I post. No reading until then.