(Due to the increased number of hits on this particular post, I would like to remind everyone that:
The image below is COPYRIGHTED by its artist, Jeff Bent.PLEASE CONTACT HIM FOR PERMISSIONBEFORE YOU USE THIS IMAGE IN ANY FORM.)
Once upon a time I commissioned a set of Christmas cards from my friend Jeff. (The one above happens to be my favorite.) For me, finding the perfect holiday card to clutter my friends mailboxes with is a huge annual chore and this year I’ve just dropped the ball. Where I like to find the perfect card that has the right sense of humor or the perfect piece of art, this year I may be stuck with the dregs. You know, those white cards with an embossed dove that say “Peace” or a picture of a dull looking wreath with an obligatory “Happy Holidays” on the inside, because apparently we don’t have “Merry Christmas” any more. (If you’re sending one of those to me, I love it. I didn’t mean a word of what I just typed. Honest. Peace on Earth to you, too.)
I thought I had a few more days and then the cards started hitting my mailbox announcing that I was behind again. I don’t feel bad being behind those people who send out the card with just their name scrawled inside, but then I get cards like the one from Lori. She’s cleverly created a card using a picture of her sidekick Dot all decked out for Christmas and to add insult to injury she’s even included a thoughtful personal message. Knowing Lori as I do, she’s sent out 100’s of those, each with their own special message to the card receiver to make them feel special. And that’s how I know, I really haven’t gotten my act together.
Sure, I could easily fall on the crutch “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately”, but it’s really just a crutch. The truth of the matter lies somewhere between there and my raging distaste of places that sell cards at the moment – and as you know, there’s a lot of places that fall into that category. (Could someone please go to the grocery store for me?)
So, tomorrow is my last chance. I’m heading to the tacky card store, where they sell all of my favorite tacky cards (and they also happen to sell pet costumes – pictures of Sage as a pirate for Halloween will one day be posted – cross your fingers the cowboy hat is still there) and here’s hoping they have something that’s perfect. Something that screams “me”.
If I fail in my one mission, you may get the card from last year. You know, the one with the tabby cat snowman and a tabby cat sitting next to it rubbing its face on tabby snowman’s whiskers. Now that was a classy card. You love it enough to see it again… and again… until the box is empty.
Pre-apologies for my getting your card to you after Christmas. You all know the love is still there.
The Big Blue Mess 
PS – I am also cheap and buy cards when they are 75 percent off, so you get what you get.
The only reason anyone got cards from me this year is because I found a couple of boxes of them stashed in a container of Christmas ornaments.
I used to put myself thru a ton of shit constructing a Christmas newsletter every year, complete with pictures, then one year I did this and sent out about 40 cards and got a total of five in return. The following year I said fuck it and didn’t send out cards. I still got about 5. I haven’t sent out cards until this year (due to the finding of them) and figured, what the hell, I’ll throw a little (very little)something together and mail them out.
I’ve gotten….FIVE CARDS so far!
People suck. Nobody sends out cards anymore because its too easy to send an e-mail.
The worst part is I got a call from my ex-room mate, who’s NEVER sent me a card, demanding to know why I quit sending out cards. DUH!
Personal note to Kendra if you’re reading this – I sent you a Christmas card but JUST noticed that your address is different now, so you may get yours in January, depending on when the TX postal workers decide to return it to me.