Vision Problems

There are days, at least in my world, where you wake up and say “today I’m staying home.” As Kati once said, “you have a vision problem – you just don’t see yourself at work.” This is one of those stories on one of those days (and I probably worked for Kati then).

I woke up that morning and realized the whole work thing just wasn’t going to happen for me. The barometric pressure was off, the sky was a little too cloudy or maybe it was just a little too cold, I don’t remember – I just knew I wasn’t getting out of my pajamas. I made the call early before anyone got to work while my voice was still hoarse enough to almost sound passable and then I was home free.

I celebrated by unleashing the ferrets for a celebratory romp through the apartment. No one enjoys a good day of hooky more than a ferret. If you’ve never had a ferret, then you should know they embrace the word “fun” and “mischief” and it’s only amplified by the size of your “business” of ferrets (where dogs cling to words like happy and loyal and cats waiver some place between calculated indifference and dominance over their loathsome human subjects). A newly freed ferret, especially if they have a ferret companion, immediately gets to work with bouncing, scampering and working on their booty (which is what most people think of as a black hole – the place keys, shoes and other small objects go to rest – if you think your items disappeared into a black hole, it didn’t, you’ve got ferrets). After a half hour’s hard work, the bandits suddenly vanish and magically reappear nestled in your dresser on top of all your t-shirts. (Edit: Jay helped me realize I wasn’t clear on what turned up in your drawers – it’s ferrets – your missing stuff is likely behind the stove or underneath the couch.)

That particular morning, my two bounded off while I sat in my well loved jammies, hair sticking straight up watching TV. There was a LOUD knock at the door. I stood on my tip-toes and looked out the peep hole and at the end of my walkway some distance away was a police officer. Ok, sure I was truant from work but come on, cut a girl some slack. When I opened the door a second officer leapt around from the side; he had been hidden in front of my neighbor’s door. HONESTLY! I’ll go to work.

“Ma’am, we got a call from 911 at this residence.” Uhhh… “no, I didn’t call 911”.
The guy chatted away with his shoulder, “dispatch, can you call that number back.” I waited, they waited and no ringing came from my apartment.
“Ma’am is there anyone in the apartment with you?” My roommate was and she was in the shower.

A ferret bounded out the door to say hello. I grabbed her up and told the officers I’d check on the phone. When I went to my roommate’s room I found her phone off the hook and the cord stretching towards the bed. FERRETS!

I returned, now holding both Rogue & Gambit (hey, I don’t judge your pet’s names). “I’m sorry officers, but I think my ferrets hit the fast dial for 911 while trying to hide the phone.” Two very blank completely un-amused faces glared back at me. “I’m really sorry?” as I tried to appear apologetic but was sort of having a little private snicker on the inside. The two officers didn’t say another word and walked away. They doubtlessly regretted not having called in with their own vision problem.

Thankfully, I’ve enjoyed more peaceful days off from work.

(In memory of some fine banditos: Rogue, Gambit, Applejuice, Possum, K-Nack, Max and Beckett.)
Note: No good stewing Becketts were actually harmed.

6 thoughts on “Vision Problems

  1. Anna says:

    You forgot Max!

  2. Anna says:

    Max .3 because of Max 3000, the crazy mutant dog from Man’s Best Friend.

  3. Beth says:

    Pam, I read your comment at work (bad idea) and thought about all the weasely fun that was afoot while I poked my computer.Note to self: Do not read about fun while at work (not that I do that, because that would be wrong… yes, wrong *cough*)

  4. Lori says:

    Hilarious, Good Beth. Like when Bad Beth called the fire department when she heard a slow hiss in her kithchen only to find out – after the fire truck and fully fire-fighting-clad unit of fire men arrived with axes and hoses in tow – that the cork from a homemade bottle of beer had dislodged and was hissing in her cabinet, only funnier because a FERRET made the call and not a partially drunk hysterical woman wearing a green facial mask and bathrobe.

  5. Beth says:

    WHOOPS! I did forget Max. Was Max, Max 3.0?

  6. Pam says:

    I’m busy playing hook with my weasel gang today!

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