Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend over what makes an “acquaintance” versus a “friend” and while we both could go down a list of names and agree that so-and-so was a friend while so-and-so was an acquaintance, we couldn’t quite find a clear line that put a person more solidly in one category versus the other. Every attempt sounded like some lame e-mail chain with those dancing cartoons of Precious Moments figurines usually littered with the same kind of bad poetry your wrote when you were five and asked you to forward it on to 50 of your closest friend otherwise you were going straight to Hell and making Baby Jesus personally weep because he died so you could have friends AND bad poetry and you’re clearly an unappreciative little ingrate.

So, these past few weeks as I’ve been driving home listening to NPR, thinking about how this one trip just cost me enough in gas to feed several small developing nations and possibly a recently industrialized one to boot, I started trying to make a list of “friend qualities”. Here’s some that got tossed around (and mostly got tossed out).

I guess my conclusion is that I don’t actually know what makes my friends my friends. (Probably a healthy dose of either bad taste, boredom or pity.) I could go down the list and point out the reasons, but each friend is different. If there are three things they all seem to have in common, they would be: “forgive me for being the mess I am… on occasion”, “back me up even when I’m wrong” – (even though I suspect they get out of site and make faces – guys, I can sense those – and OMG wait until you’re at least 5 miles away before calling your SOs to discuss “my crazy”) and more importantly, “have walked the streets of New Orleans with me – and “offered” to beat people down in the street when they were “wrong” – true story… that’s the way I remember it at least *cough* – how about that 4th of July firework display, eh?”. Oh, and I suppose there’s a 4th – “understand that you’re way too lazy to install scanner software on your new computer at the moment, so you won’t be scanning pictures to add to your blog that show proof that you might have friends – or at least know people who were too slow to get out of the picture with you – and really, I start posting some people’s pictures and not others and the next thing you know there are riots in the streets and mayhem… don’t forget the mayhem – I think there’s a law about the mayhem”.

And did I mention…

Are going to Dragon*Con 2008 August 29 – September 1 for my -0 1/2 birthday? I’m pretty sure that’s a fifth. And it’s not too late to get tickets. No pressure.

… and they never tell you when you’ve typo-ed on your blog – bless their hearts – they let you figure it out hours or weeks later.