Where’s My Christmas Card?

You’re not getting one. Sorry.

The truth of the matter is that I went card shopping this year and bought the most amazing and unique couple of boxes of Christmas cards. They were COOL! You would have loved one. I would have even written: “Merry Christmas!” and depending on how well I knew you, I’d throw in a “Love, Beth & ” (the other part is left blank for Jay to sign; I refuse to sign another person’s name – it’s like forgery – Christmas wish forgery and I want no part of it).

Last Friday, I went to free them and bring them to work; they had incubated a couple of weeks in that bag so they could become fully developed and lovely cards. I even remembered how they were black and white velvet with possibly some cutesy little animal on them. I was WRONG! Lurking inside the shopping bag were the most gawd awful attempt at artistic masturbation using a ruler and every single rejected color a color palette could belch up – muted purples, greys, browns and this sickening yellow. There was a tiny elk slapped in the middle and in the lower right corner a freakish looking wren. I re-opened the bag looking for the black & white velvet cards, but no luck.

Sure, I vaguely remember buying these, but they were much cooler and I distinctly don’t recall shooting up before I went shopping, which I obviously did. I had to scramble into the Christmas closet to find something acceptable for work and thankfully produced cards that were more “me”.

Now these hideous little things sit on the kitchen counter winking at me, knowing I’m too frugal to just pitch the little bastards into the trash (Goodwill!).

So, for those of you who typically get cards, but didn’t this year:

Wishing you all the best this holiday season!
Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Love, Beth &

2 thoughts on “Where’s My Christmas Card?

  1. Googly-eyed Car says:

    I really need to see a photo of these horrible cards.~ April

  2. Beth says:

    I was actually going to scan the Christmas card, but then I thought about how vile it was and how I couldn’t live with it on my computer for even the few seconds it would take to upload.They’re BAD! I’ll bring one on Friday.Seriously, I must have been drunk. That I bought these sober is disturbing. Maybe I was just high on Christmas shopping; it was one of the last things I bought.

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