I was stopped in the hall today and asked if I’d mind being interviewed for the school paper.  Ok, so it may have been the office newsletter. Potato potato (err… that sounds so much better in my head.) Who can keep up with these things?

You’d think saying, “yes” wouldn’t be particularly difficult.  However, I am me.  You see, on the one hand, the ego-maniac inside me was saying, “hell, yeah what took you so long? I am AWESOME y’all! What what!!” while on the other hand, the extremely shy introvert reminded, “it’s impolite to brag.”  And my introvert won the first round to the jaw dropping horror of my inner megalomaniac by uttering this tried and true line, “well, I’m not very interesting.”  (Only this time I did manage to say it politely versus how I used it to be an absolute jerk over the holidays. For the record, they did have it coming.)  The woman responded encouraging, “that’s not true, you do take improv.” “No, I haven’t been in an improv class in over a year.” She frowned disappointedly and ummm’ed a bit.  It was the kind of reaction that nearly made me look to see when the next round of classes would be offered up from Merlin Works or The Hideout.  Crap! I am actually dull! My ego maniac leapt on the opportunity and slapped me, which caused me to blurt out to the great protests of my introvert, “but I did write for a sketch show! We had a three week sold out run and I just finished filming my second sketch in December.””OH!” Enter the huffing introvert, “however, I’m a poor subject, I’m afraid.” My ego maniac glared.

Suffice it to say that despite the overwhelming protests of the introvert inside me, I will be interviewed over the next few days.

I just want to thank my friends for their suggestions on Facebook when I went to them and asked, “what do I say to make myself interesting?”

They offered up the following:

• Tell them you know about MMORPGs. (This is true. I do. In fact, I know a lot. I’m fairly certain that would bring out all of the “Big Bang Theory” lovers and the next thing you know I’d be spilling my guts about how I’m a Half-Elf or a Forsaken as I wave goodbye to my disappearing career opportunities. This is sometimes known as a crit fail, epic fail, Captaining the USS Failboat or more simply being ganked by THE MAN.)
• You can talk about graphic novels. (I could.  In fact, I have talked about them much to the horror and dismay of someone who loves reading romance novels and felt like that reading choice was far superior to a graphic novel. She audibly snorted when I mentioned that some graphic novels had won literary awards.  Still, I may be going out on a limb here, but I’m also thinking this is yet another career limiting choice that will force me into a “Big Bang Theory” discussion. “You’re just like Sheldon!” Oh frabjous day.)
• Tell them one of your short films was nominated for a TITie award. (It was, but you kind of see a theme here. Right?  For the record, that stands for The Institution Theater and it’s what they dubbed their awards. My “Hot Spots” short sadly lost.  You can enjoy the winner here:
• Talk about zombies. (Hoo boy.  Not that I don’t have thoughts on zombies.  Not that I haven’t written a sketch about zombies or worked on an idea for a zombie web series.  It’s just that… you guessed it – “Big Bang Theory”.)
• Tell them about your journey to find your sense of self after leaving a polygamist marriage (as wife eight), having broken free from a small village in Saskatchewan (how often do you get to say that?). You’ll obviously want to talk about your descent into the world of drugs, how you garnered the name Crack-a-tow-a on the mean streets of Minneapolis, and of course your “redemption” story in a small monastery in the northern Alps a la Julie Andrews. (Now this one has real possibilities and kind of wins for originality AND huge bonus, no one will be inspired to utter a single word about the “Big Bang Theory”.  I’d just need to polish up on “Breaking Bad” or possibly watch a few episodes of “Intervention” and “Sister Wives” for ideas on who this new Beth is, but then again – could be career limiting.)

So, I think that means Richard’s suggestion wins:

• “No comment,” drop the mic, and walk out. (Bring your own mic if needed).

We’ll see how it goes.

Note: I know you love “Big Bang Theory” and “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock” and I respect that “ish”.  However, I may see it exactly as my friend Jerin sees it, as black face for geeks/nerds.  Thus, I pick on it.  I also pick on it because I have low self-esteem and it makes me feel better about myself.  Oh, and possibly because if one more person compares me to Sheldon, I will physically hurt them.  I have mass.