For the 2.02%

Let’s talk about Facebook – the social network we all love to hate.  From the former classmates, colleagues and insane, barely-related kinfolk who must have searched your name hourly until they saw you first login (how else could they have found you within a minute of you creating the account) to those privacy settings that keep getting reset every time Zuckerberg steals an idea.  We groan and gripe, yet we keep coming back – playing that “what if” game.  You know it, you don’t need me to do a rundown of “what ifs” that might have played through you head.  I’ll just get silly with it and you’ll say, “now she’s gone too far!” and I’ll retort, “oh NOW I’ve gone too far? I’ve got your “too far” right here, pal.”  Nothing good will come of this.  We’ll leave it at you have your “what ifs” that bring you back and I have mine, which are seriously interesting, but I’m not sharing.  It’s an only child thing.

Here’s what bugs me (caveat: today): I have 198 “friends”.  Now Myers-Briggs tells me that’s seriously not true.  I have about 2.02% of that.  (Why yes, I did just calculate that.) Those four letters drive my soul!  But somewhere between 4 and 198 I realized I was going to have to give up my goal of only befriending people who would come to my funeral and work towards being more “social”.  Myers-Briggs says being social makes me twitchy.  It’s true. I’m twitching.  (FYI – Myers-Briggs doesn’t understand the blog thing either.  I explained I was writing it for my lone audience member, my step-mother Charla and it stopped judging me (it’s a Sensor). Please don’t rat me out to Myers-Briggs.)

My problem with 198 is that I forget about them.  To me that number is just some imaginary number (but not like a mathematical imaginary number although by virtue of being a number it is related to math – more like an imaginary number that unicorns frolic around, if unicorns weren’t real, which they are, but you get the idea).  When I post, it’s not like a sea of heads pop-up and magically 198 “Likes” appear.  (Again, I don’t get this part because I do say some pretty amazing things. Why just the other day I “shared” a picture George Takei posted and then I commented with something brilliant like “yeah” and “lol”. Deep stuff. I know, right? Ok, complete aside – I don’t LOL.  Here’s a video that kind of sums up my thoughts on “LOL”:

Think of it as a break from my writing.)

See, when I forget about those extra folks (which also happens on my blog occasionally), I whine or rant or otherwise say things that might be ok for my true audience of 4, but kind of makes me look like a crazy person to the remaining 194.  See, I have it on the best authority that you don’t want to be “that” person, which I hear is pretty bad.  It’s also not so great when you want to call out a specific person, but end up calling out 197 other people.  That makes you seem like an attention-seeking, tantrum-throwing jerk.  Granted, 190 of those people don’t actually follow my feed, but you never know when a Facebook setting will suddenly change and there you are letting your “I’m a gigantic baby” flag fly.

That being said (and what got me thinking about writing this post) is that I’m just going to post all of those Facebook status updates I’ve been holding back without context just to get them off my chest. Since Charla is my lone reader, it’s ok.

“Is that a picture of your feet? Again? Is this like when you steal someone’s yard gnome and take it around the world? Did someone lop off your feet?  Do you need help?”

“Yay! More offensive posts! It must be national election time again.  Those four years flew by fast!”

“I enjoy ‘Liking’ your stuff in support of you.  It’s ok.  You go ahead and ignore mine.  I was actually put on this earth as your personal cheerleader; that’s what they explained to all of us at the special school where we took a daily pledge to your face.  Truth is, there’s an ancient Tibetan prophesy about you and me.  I think you’re going to ‘Like’ how it ends.”

“LRN2SNOPES”

“You guessed it! I do actually ask you questions because the fun for me is in the asking.”

Ahhh… now that was cathartic.  Wouldn’t you say, Charla? Wait, there are more of you reading?  Umm… this is awkward.

(Note: Charla is probably wondering why she’s being singled out.  She’s family. It’s what we do to each other.)

4 thoughts on “For the 2.02%

  1. Rolling on the floor about the video and that formula. (Do I dare use !!!! or not?????)
    No Facebook for me – it’s like a sharknado.
    Sorry, must go feed cat.

    • Beth says:

      Facebook is a bit like Sharknado – it goes out there into the water and the next thing you know, angry sharks are spinning around snapping at one another through comments while the cute girl sits in the truck looking scared. (Syfy is announcing their latest film: Ghost Shark – more analogies to come!) As for the video, I was on a “LOL” tear a few years ago, because it seemed like there was a lot of “LOLing” at things and weird things like “gotta go to a funeral, lol” that left me puzzled. So a friend of mine introduced me to that video and it made me giggle. (I’m personally an abuser of the “!” I come across as the hyperactive cheerleader of writing!!! Picture each sentence with a cartwheel/back flip/hand spring combo!! YAY!!!) Hope things are going well down your way. I’m still puzzled by the new theme park. Couldn’t we just bring Astro World back?

      • Astroworld/Six flags sold the land to the rodeo people (good idea). Unfortunately the gang activity, assaults,shootings and crime got so bad, decent people wouldn’t go. In my last office, one co-worker started as a teenager with rides and worked her way up into management – she had some real horror stories of the last few years. I’m not sure who that developer’s audience is…huge planned communities are starting from Kingwood across west along the new grand parkway, but what he has planned won’t really appeal to that market….it sure sounds like let’s throw all this out there, get more money from the local communities, and investors and then throw up some cheap stuff…planting crops? tractor rides? maze? The fall Rennassiance Festival sounds more entertaining? We’ll seeee!!!!! (Smilie faces!!!!!)

      • Beth says:

        Definitely keep us updated on that development. I’m eager to see what happens with it. Over our way we have the Pioneer Farms and while it can be considered interesting and educational, I’ve never heard of kids just begging their parents to learn how to hand comb cotton or churn butter and now they’ll have more choices on where to go to see this stuff. Pioneer Farms offers a Tonkawa encampment versus a Comanche village. I feel like the Caddo Indians are really being overlooked here. I think they only offer hay rides, because sitting on hay can be fun especially if you mistakenly chose shorts. Again, I’m interested to see how this is all going to go – I’m fascinated in that completely befuddled kind of way.

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