I hate the violin.
I know, I promised a different rant, but here it is. I just hate it. I’m also not particularly partial to the piano, but really it’s the violin that earns my complete disdain. Truth be told, I’m also not particularly fond of violinists either, but that’s a different subject.
See, the thing is I played in orchestras through most of college and a bit outside of it. I’ve been paid to play. I’ve played on large stages with box seats and multi-tiered balconies. And because I played in orchestras, and have even played in decent orchestras, people seem to think that equates to a love of the violin. I do not.
It came up in conversation today. It being “the violin” and not “my utter loathing”. A person asked me if I knew who some person was and I said “no idea” hoping they’d move along, yet they stayed and followed with, “oh, it’s a violinist, I thought you’d know.” So, in addition to detesting the violin, I’m also not burning precious brain space by cataloging violinists. See violinists tend to play the violin and I wouldn’t want to keep a mental database of people I’ll never understand or even want to know in my brain. (Except for Erika, I love you!) Sure, there’s famous people you can’t help knowing like Itzak Perlman playing his Stradivarius (an overrated instrument with questionable sound quality beloved because it hasn’t completely fallen apart in 300+ years). I’m sure he’s a delightful man… for a violinist.
I’m a violist or was a violist if we’re going to be accurate. It’s an instrument with a deeper and richer sound that is decidedly not a violin and doesn’t need two sections in an orchestra to make a point. If you’ve played a viola, you become acutely aware that really all an orchestra needs are you, a few cellos and a bass, but do you get that? Nooooo. In come a pack of the screechiest instruments known to man stealing all of the melodies with their ear shattering, high-pitched, over-vibrato’ed noise. Blech.
For the record, a viola is not a violin. I wanted to clear that up. Not because I’ve encountered that before. It’s just a random comment. But come on, you learn about instruments in the orchestra in elementary school. Like an oboe is not a clarinet – a viola is not a violin.
Please note, this rant is entirely fact filled and unbiased.
Also please note, don’t ask me about violins.
Disclaimer: I was never personally teased by a violin (that you’re aware of) so this hostility is umm… well-founded. That’s right. That’s a logical statement.
Now enjoy the viola. (A concerto that all violists learn to perform. It nearly makes me want to practice.)