The Anger Room

Christmas. Anyone who knows anything about me, knows Christmas is my thing. Not in a decorate-y way – you don’t walk into my house and find a year long celebration (well… there may be a few lights here and there, I suppose – blame laziness or a love of twinkly lights more than anything else). I rarely have a tree up (too many memories with each ornament).  And it’s not like I dress up, though I do now have a Santa hat.  But for those who don’t know me – who only know me as this Big Blue Mess occasional why-can’t-she-write-more bloggerette, you have to trust me; it’s my holiday. And my friends always go out of their way to make it memorable. (In fact, I still owe you a blog from my last birthday. Oh, you thought we were talking about Christmas? We are. This was another great one where my friends and family gave me a small piece of themselves – from New Zealand pop music to vintage posters, to a fantastic original reindeer painting, to pistachio KitKats from Japan. Everything was absolutely wonderful (and some tasty), and each gift was so very them – the person who shared themselves.)

Among the many great gifts was a Choose Your Birthday Adventure. This is something my friend April, whom you may remember as the person who is on a mission to kill me, started doing a few years back. She presents me with three options for adventures we can take around the state (likely dangerous and fraught with peril, as I’m not sure she’s quit her murderess mission). From museums offering a selection of quilts, or toilet seats, or trains, to old Czech settlements, meadery visits, or trips to see scaled-down replicas of Stonehenge and the Easter Island moais. It’s always so hard to choose, because it’s always a slice of Texas I didn’t realize I wanted to see, and now can’t imagine never seeing it.

This year my choices were titled:

  • Adventures 1: Olives!!! (and other stuff but mostly olives)
  • Adventure 2: Art & Soul
  • Adventure 3: Painted Churches

After much deliberation, I chose “Adventure 2,” which was tough because OLIVES!!! and I know I’d love painted churches, but this one promised a trip to both the Kimbell Art Museum and The Modern – two museums I’d never been to see. Apparently, there isn’t a “do all the adventures” option. (I’ll miss you, olive farm.)

Well, life delayed us a bit – between jobs, the cruise, and all of those other little things, we found ourselves in June without a firmed up plan. Then, a funny thing happened at the end of June. I had a tiny little meltdown where I was mad or sad or neither or both – sometimes within minutes of each other, and well, you got to hear about it. You see, losing Jay, my best friend, takes its toll nearly every waking moment; it’s just a matter of degrees. My reprieves can really only be found at the gym, or in activities that insist I’m hyper-present in the moment. In truth, the intensity of my sorrow lessons as I move further away from July, and then swells again in the Spring. I still cry. I still rage.

So clearly, this was a sign that Adventure 2 needed a slight tweak, and thus a visit to The Anger Room in Dallas became part of the plans. I mean this was the “Art & Soul”  adventure, and both of our souls were saying they needed to smash some things and see some lovely art. Souls can be rather mecurial at times.

Let me just say it was a great choice, and one of the most completely cathartic experiences I’ve had in a long time. I was in a safe place and given permission to destroy things. I personally never let myself go in this way; I think, “How will you feel when you’re calm, and you realize you’ve broken this thing? You’ll be pretty upset. Why don’t we scream into a pillow instead? That’s good, too. Right??” I will barely slam a door, because I think about how the door doesn’t have it coming. (Aside: We will not discuss any recent door kicking, nor the time the Naval special forces combat medic was consulted, nor the time the door sought revenge and unceremoniously (because ceremony should be involved?) popped me in the lip, and I went around with an unnoticeable bump on my lip that I kept insisting was there. It was there, people!!! None of these things are on the table for discussion!)

When we got there, the woman at the facility explained, “you will have 20 minutes, and while it hardly seems like much time, you will get tired. If you need to come out and take a break, please do.” I’m here to report: 20 minutes is actually a SHORT time, and we didn’t need any breaks. In fact, we needed about 20 more minutes.  We chose our weapons of destruction, and in my case that was a crowbar and a baseball bat. I discovered I’m a crowbar girl. I had no idea. It’s like learning I’m “Joffrey” on a Game of Thrones Buzzfeed quiz. (I was actually hoping I’d turn out to be more of an Ygritte. Now I live in fear of  Tyrion’s wrath. Please don’t let me become a viral meme people use to lift themselves up on a bad day. In fact, #1 on my bucket list reads: 1) Don’t die a meme. Seems like a reasonable thing for which to ask, but I digress.)

While it was fairly perfect, my only wish would be that they’d had more fresh things to break instead of merely a couple of new things (a printer, and a DVD player), and the opportunity to whale on things that had been previously destroyed. In fact, I would have paid a little extra for fresh glasses from the Walmart collection, because the one cheap wine glass, while momentarily satisfying, just wasn’t enough. Don’t get me started on the one plate. Well… because April got to smash that one. I couldn’t hog all the easily smashables. That would be rude!

At the end, the anger concierge handed us markers and invited us to, “write whatever you want on these walls; it doesn’t matter – let it out.” And I wrote the ugliest thing from the darkest part of my heart – the thing that raced around my mind as I beat the DVD player into coughing out its motherboard, the words radiating off of my skin, and my anger went away… (at least for now).

It was absolutely brilliant!

Posture neither my mother nor countless orchestra conductors would be proud of, but the day wasn’t about my perfect posture. 🙂

(For those who have asked: No, I will not share what I wrote with you. Much like you’ll never know what I put in the Wishing Stump, what I’d send to PostSecret, nor what I’d ask for in a prayer; the words are not for you.)

6 thoughts on “The Anger Room

  1. hrhdeanne says:

    I used to buy random dishes from Goodwill to have when I needed to throw things against the wall and scream. Cheap therapy. Even cheaper: screaming in the car while you are alone, though it always leaves me with a throat so raw I can hardly talk.

    | | |

    • Beth says:

      April and I were talking about renting out a storage space, bringing breakables, a big broom, and a trashcan, and then just going nuts. We’d just have to have a rule of “no throwing anything at the walls,” which would make it a little sad, because you know throwing things at walls can be fun.. (At the Anger Room, their only rule was: do not use your weapon on the walls, but you could throw things at them.) I kind of wonder if we threw up moving blankets, and completed covered the walls if that would work, but I suppose that would be a lot of moving blankets depending on the size of the place. 😦 Things to ponder!

  2. I think this enterprise is so clever – and needed.
    Nothing is as good as breaking glasses…I did a bunch of those against a wall in college. The management did tell us to stop after a while, …but after being told all your life “do not break things”, it really is wonderful
    What a good trip!!! (But the Kimbell is also worth a trip. Sigh)

    • Beth says:

      It was absolutely fantastic, if not a little pricey, but worth every cent (of my friend’s money who treated me for a belated birthday gift) :). You know management can be so fussy when you’re enjoying a good smashing of all the breakable thing. I’m so controlled that this was such a huge release. The most I have ever done from my teens on is eye a breakable menacingly, and then as mentioned, would spin around, grab a pillow, and scream; I knew how upset I’d be if I actually smashed a thing. Clearly they also made these places for people like me (repressed smashers) in mind.

      Sorry I’ve been off the grid. I’m way behind on reading your blog, and have saved the notices in my email so I can get to them. I have a beautiful plan that this week… yes, this week, I shall catch up! 🙂

      Hope you’re doing well!!

      On Mon, Sep 17, 2018 at 6:48 PM The Big Blue Mess wrote:


      • Sun! Cooler-ish! Go outside if you can!!! (Not online as much either…rain again tomorrow, so I’ll reply to neglected comments on posts eventually HAHA)

      • Beth says:

        What is this “sun” of which you speak? Such a peculiar word. The historical records mention something like this, but it’s like unicorns, jackelopes and the Cowboys at the Superbowl – not a real thing.. Now if by “sun” you meant “go forth and frolic in the refreshing humidity under the never-ending cool grey sky,” I’m your girl! (I may need a light hat.)

        On Mon, Sep 24, 2018 at 12:59 PM The Big Blue Mess wrote:


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