I know. I know. I know. I’ve been absolute garbage at writing. I could offer up many reasonably sounding excuses (just ask – I’ve been trying them out, standing in front of a mental mirror and practicing, and, I don’t mean to brag here (I totally do), but quite a few of them seem somewhat plausible), but really it comes down to two things – laziness and just not feeling inspired.

So, you’re probably asking yourself (or not, I don’t know you), “Why now?”

Great question! Let’s put all cards on the table – I still don’t feel inspired, which isn’t the answer. Let’s just call it a combination of: I read someone’s blog who made some terrific points about blogging/posting/writing and… I promised myself I’d do something creative every month, and here it is the last day of April and that box isn’t checked. (BOOM! There it is! THE TRUTH!)

I mean, last month was kind of hard to top. I took a glass-blowing class for the first time. Ok, sure no glass was actually blown, but I came out with an object that I did, in fact, blow on just to fulfill the goal as stated in the description of the class. “Come learn to blow glass!” Hrmm… maybe the true takeaway/lesson from the class was: I didn’t need to learn how to blow the glass, the knowledge was within me the entire time. Aww! Thanks, False Advertising Wizard of Non-Glassblowing Oz!

And while I didn’t blow the glass, I got to spin, spin, spin, shape, pinch, pull, stretch, and cool really hot glass, which was pretty dang cool.

A small confession here: to say, “I haven’t done anything creative this month” is a bit of a lie, but it really comes down to what I’m allowing to count towards that goal. For example, I’ve practiced my viola. I’ve attended orchestra rehearsals. I’m currently preparing for two concerts in May – arguably creative; however, I want something else – something I can’t quite put a finger on at the moment. But I picture it as something I can put a finger in – then it sinks down beneath some surface all the way up to my elbows (glue, paint, mud, clay… I’m not picky) and I end up with some object that I can point to proudly and proclaim, “Dear God, why did you bring that forth?!?!”

Preparing for upcoming concerts just isn’t making the cut for my stated creative goal.

Now, some of you will decide to reach out to me personally and try to argue this point. I appreciate you. Love that cheerleading! I hear you. Yes, yes, music is creative. BUT I need you to also hear what I’m saying – the person who is the one and only dictator of my life (all hail me) – the creator of “Beth goals”. Y’see, I get to decide what I want my creativity goal to look like – what counts and doesn’t count – and I’ve decided that music doesn’t for this purpose. So, we can either sit at this awkward little impasse or you can just roll with me here. You’re the best! I knew you’d come around. Proud of you, champ!

Right. Write.

I’ve also decided writing counts. (If you think my crazy logic, where music doesn’t count as being creative, but writing does makes no sense and is hard for you to follow, imagine living in this brain all day long – 24/7/365. Truth: I don’t know what she’s up to most days if I’m/we’re honest. (We’ll unpack speaking in the third person in some later post. Maybe.)) Plus, more truth: we both know my back is up against a deadline here, so I may have decided to take some liberty/be a little more fluid with my rules and there’s that whole thing where I don’t have a clear way to become elbow-deep (“awash”) in color. (Hey, this is a callback to the elbow imagery from earlier.)

Ok, off to check off that box. I’ll look into an inspiration journey next month and keep you all posted. (Basically, if I post in May, I figured something out – that will be the signal.)

My brother-in-law just pulled into the driveway, so you’re spared more rambling.

Thank you all for putting up with this bit of randomness. Hope you’re all doing well out there. I’ll see you in May!