As I sit here typing, I realize that as much as I try, I won’t find the right words to wrap up my 2023 in a way that’s satisfying to me. My words won’t quite capture everything that’s happened (and in some cases, if I’m honest, didn’t happen) and also be relatable? meaningful? enjoyable? See, words! They’re my downfall, but they’re why I write. My hope is one day to actually express myself well. That’s not an attempt to earn some flattery; it’s an honest statement. I could start with, “I meant to write more.” I did, but let’s face it, every year I always mean to write more but always come up a bit short. I write “write more” on planners and scribble those same words on my soul. I make declarations. I set intentions. “I will write more” and then another year ends. So, instead of dwelling on one small bit of what I didn’t do, I’ll talk about what I did instead, and I’ll try to do it in a way that isn’t like a social media Beth PR campaign showcasing just how enviably green the grass is over here. (If you’ve read the few pieces I did post, you know it wasn’t.)

Below is a highlight of what I got into last year – month-by-month because when I think it’s “inside the box” (the outside can be a bit overwhelming). Remember, this blog is mostly for friends and family, and you poor souls who are either bored or simply curious about what an aging and quite average Texas stranger has been up to. Feel free to skip ahead, I mean, I lived it all and I’m even having a tiny yawn.

January

I made some proclamations. I intended to embrace the word metamorphosis but instead seemed to have clung to the phrase status quo. Bummer. 

February

If any of you watched any news about Texas, you probably saw we had a wee freeze in these here parts. Texans are teased a lot when this happens, which is fine. “Oh no, it’s below 60 degrees, Willie Dean. Grab the big coats. I reckon we may have to eat momma if things get much worse! Hold ‘er down!” We usually make up for our intolerance to cold during our summer months (see June-August); however, this was special because it iced and all of us became too familiar with the sounds of tree branches tearing away from trees and dropping to the ground. When we emerged, we looked around in horror as limbs covered yards, houses, cars, powerlines, etc in neighborhood after neighborhood, and city after city. We spent the next few weeks bumming chainsaws and favors from friends (thank you, Edward!) just to get back out into the world, and our cities hired crews to clear the debris.

In the end, my branch pile was the only one left in the neighborhood because the city couldn’t get their truck at the right angle to remove it. I called several folks. Promises were made that they’d get right to it, that they were working on it, and then nothing happened, and that nothing kept happening for weeks. Finally, my evil neighbor (look, she worked hard for that designation, don’t try to take that away from her; she’s got a lot of angel chores (her term) ahead of her before she can move up to being even be in the running for neutral neighbor – hey, it’s her Sisyphean chore for being a somewhat wretched human) chewed out the city on my behalf. They hopped to it, and a crew finally removed that mountain of limbs. Go her! That rock went up that hill just a bit more. You go, girl! (Even I can recognize she occasionally does good things.)

March

I took a glass-blowing class (FYI, those furnaces are no joke). I also got to pet a rescued skunk (she was saved by a local wildlife rescue organization that allowed me to pet their rescued blind possum the previous year). I’m sure her name was Flower, because well… Bambi said so and he is the Prince of the Forest. My liege.

April / May / June

• I visited Dad. I visited Dad again, and then I said goodbye to the geese, the John Deere I couldn’t help fix, the long trips there and back, and the home that he and my stepmom lived in for nearly 20 years as Dad prepared to sell it. I’ll miss you, geese. You’re rude, and kind of hissy, but you had character. I may have cried a bit; it was like leaving behind all the echoes of my stepmom – everything about her erased in an estate sale.
• I decided not to fundraise for AFSP. There are a few reasons, and I’ll get into almost none of them here, but one I will talk about is: I decided everyone deserved a break from my relentless arm-twisting/heart-tugging activities – y’know, the things I do to ensure our team’s campaign is successful. Now, true story, I love fundraising, but to be really successful – where I’d like to be – I need a dedicated group who lives in this area to work with me. If anyone is interested in working on a project like that with me and can commit to about 2 hours a month, which would include some in-person/virtual meetings, let me know. I’m serious. I know we can do great things and make a difference, but I need a dedicated group willing to work hard.
• I became a STAY – or STAY-lite thanks to Julie. (THIS ISN’T A COMPLIMENT, JULIE! STOP SMILING! YOU’RE AN INSIDIOUS LITTLE MONSTER.) What’s a STAY? I’m glad you asked. A STAY is someone who is a fan of the K-Pop group known as the Stray Kids (you may have seen them at the VMA’s where they won Video Music Award for Best K-Pop Group with the music video for S Class. It’s from their 5 Star album). I now may know all of the performer’s names. I may have opinions on my favorites. It’s also possible that I have “Stray Kids Essentials” as my go-to workout playlist, replacing Linkin Park and Tool. And while there’s absolutely no proof I do this, when I’m at the gym I may look around and, as quietly as possible, like I’m gym secret service, whisper “psst, hey Siri, play Stray Kids.” Then, if I were to do this, I may clear my throat loudly, dart my eyes around, and pretend to be cool, like one does at the gym. Look, I don’t judge you. A real quick and serious aside here, for those who may not be familiar with K-Pop, and because this actually came up on one of my social media posts, the term K-Pop refers to pop music that comes out of South Korea. The “K” does not stand for “Japan”. Also, fun fact, S. Korea is not part of Japan. There are a lot of differences and the two countries have a fairly complicated relationship that we can discuss offline if you’re really curious. Now, to be fair, there is J-Pop and you guessed it, the “J” does stand for “Japan”, but sadly I’m unfamiliar with any J-Pop bands. Anyway… I give you some Stray Kids. (That’s Hyunjin highlighted in the video; he’s my favorite.)

July / August / September

• There was this heat wave that hit the South; it was miserable. It may not have been as miserable here as it was in other places, but my counselor did start bringing it up every session, “Are you still mad about the heat?” “Is it still 107 degrees with lows in the upper 80’s, then ‘yes’!” I spent a long eight weeks just being irked over something out of my control, but in my defense, it was hot.
• I created a vision board as a way to capture what I actually wanted to do, and as I look over my shoulder, I accomplished a lot. Sure, I haven’t traveled to Scotland (if anyone wants to adopt me and send me on a three-week trip to Edinburgh/Inverness/Glasgow or start a GoFundMe, I’d say “thank you” a lot) and I also haven’t used the fire pit (clearly some items are more achievable than others), , but I’ve made solid strides. In fact, one that got marked off came to me in September…
• LUNA! I got a dog! She’s pretty great; I’m not gonna lie. She’s funny. She’s smart. She’s a destroyer of worlds (or balls, plushies, most toys, wooden landscaping). She’s what you call a super chewer. Huge thanks to the woman who rescued her and her wonderful fosters for taking such great care of her. Right now we’re working on her fear of strangers – especially tall people – but we’re getting better. Tall strangers just need to stop telegraphing, “Hello, puppy, I’m here for murder” and she’ll stop reacting “Be gone, stranger. I shall thwart your murdering.” (We actually have a protocol in place for greeting new people thanks to the trainers from Every Dog Behavior and Training (Really nice/patient folks and great trainers) and things are improving, which make her life a tiny bit better)
• Finally, Dad got a new home and moved much closer, which means I get to see him more. This was definitely another wonderful thing that happened and helped take the irrational “Why is it so hot?!?!?!” edge off of my summer.

October

Two big things happened in October. I started training with my former trainer’s husband, which got me excited about the gym again. I spent part of 2023 training with two different folks. One was fine, I mean, I liked her well enough, but she had a serious family emergency and had to step back from training. My gym then assigned a less experienced trainer who they said did strength training. On day 1, as we were chatting, he said, “I’m a functional trainer and I don’t really work with weights.” Neat. I should have stopped there. I like functional training, I do functional training, but I like to also incorporate strength training, and I tolerate cardio, because I’m kind of a champ like that. Functional training only makes me cranky. I spent most of those weeks trying to convince the guy that I was capable of more and he kept not hearing me. I reached out to my original trainer who gave some great advice, “Why don’t you train with my husband?”

Great question! I quit the other guy and went to Dustin. Voila. I like training again.

If you’ll allow me one complaint, though. The other day (fast forward to December) I was whining to a friend that I wasn’t as strong; I’m not and I was feeling puny, and then realized I’d done 7 sets of 12 reps of deadlifts. Basically, 84 deadlifts as part of my workout! Go me! I mentioned this to Dustin, and he said, “Yeah, but your first two sets were warm-ups” (insert a little flat-faced emoji here). “They still count” and he replied, “Yeah, like walking to your car counts as cardio. Is it cardio?” Yes! RUDE! (insert another flat-faced/emotionless emoji). (A message to my former trainer, “I totally get why you sassed your trainer last week. It all makes sense.”)

The other October thing that happened – I had two fairly attractive guys under 30 (one who was probably closer to 20) hit on me over the same weekend – two different locations. I meant to make that a blog post then, but may still write more about that later because it’s kind of a funny story. In that moment, I felt like I was being Punk’d (or whatever show the 2020 version of Candid Camera currently is) because people hitting on me is just not my life. I told my counselor who then asked what was going on, and I shrugged. I guess I was just killing it that weekend? But damn, alright universe. Thanks!

Ooo, and since it was October, I attended a costume party dressed as Weird Barbie, because what girl didn’t have one? (Mine is actually still tucked away in a box. I’m so sorry Weird Barbie. I was trying to make you prettier and well, things happened and you were the victim.) The party was lovely. The hosts were great, as always, and my cousin came dressed as Sally (The Nightmare Before Christmas). We had such a good time!

Ooo (again) – I wrote an article in our agency’s magazine about Suicide Awareness, I received some great feedback, and I had some very real conversations with people about their own experiences.

November

• I went to a pretty boy’s wedding – the wedding of the century – and had a blast. It was one of those long-awaited things, and it was beautiful and perfect. The pretty boy “‘Johnny’ That ain’t you!” looked, as I mentioned, “pretty” but he may have flipped me off at the well-intended compliment, while in uniform. The gesture was, let’s face it, “pretty”, even if it was wholly unwarranted. (Your takeaway here should be that I know a lot of rude people, AND I’m always lovely and a victim to their outrageous outbursts.) At the wedding, I gained a new friend (acquaintance?) in the form of a co-worker’s wife and we’ve since had a couple of fun playdates.
• Then after the wedding, while I was in one of the cabins enjoying time with my cousin – a rare treat – there was another suicide in the family, I had to run off and leave the joy at the cabin door. I had to watch as Jay’s mother was informed of another death; it was heartbreaking. Two weeks later, my friend Rick died. That’s when I had an anxiety attack that spiraled quickly into a panic attack while leaving a pet-sitting gig – stuck in traffic – no way to exit the car – I couldn’t breathe and had to sit with it. Thanks to failing lights, a 10-minute trip home turned into a 45-minute nightmare. A friend coached me through breathing exercises. So much for my streak. I pulled out of my orchestra’s Christmas concert. I couldn’t focus.

December

Better things happened.

• I was introduced to an all Star Wars store. I didn’t know I needed this in my life, and there it was! WHAT?!?! I may have bought stocking stuffers for a friend. I may have also bought a little Grogu (he’s soooo cute) figure for me, because OMG! STAR WARS! (Did you all know I’m a huge geek? *bow* *bow*) And I coveted a Stormtrooper Barbie, which friends then surprised me with for my birthday.
• Speaking of which, I threw myself a birthday party. Ten hours of torturing friends with board games, pizza, and a group sing-along in a private karaoke room. I had a blast and got to see several people I hadn’t seen in a long time.
• I gave two shout-outs on Instagram – one to an author, Tyler Merritt, whose book I Take My Coffee Black, I’d just finished, and I got a note back. He’s now my second favorite author of all time. Second only because Kevin Hearne sent me an email a few years ago, so he’s obviously #1 forever. (I plan to write a post about Tyler Merritt’s book; it’s really good.) The other shoutout went to Coach Raneir Pollard, one of the coaches on Supernatural: Unreal Fitness. Hey, they both make the world a little bit better by being in it and I thought they should know. They both replied, and that just made my month.

Other Things

A few extra and random things…

• I read some fine books – if you like SciFi, I highly recommend Project Hail Mary, and of course, I Take My Coffee Black, which like I said, I do plan to write a bit more about.
• I performed in a couple of concerts and I got marginally better at viola (I got better, right???)

So, that’s kind of a wrap-up of my 2023. I’m not sure what 2024 will hold. I’m not going to make promises or set intentions here to try to hold myself accountable; I know me too well. But my hope is I’ll have new experiences, meet new people whom I enjoy and who enjoy me, hear some good stories, that I’ll be inspired and maybe inspire, that I’ll get a hug (maybe a date or three?), and that in the grand balance of the universe, more things will good than bad.