10 Years Ago Today

I flew back from LA and learned you were gone.

I said goodbye to my husband, my favorite person, and a piece of myself.

I grieved.

I grieve.

Over the Last 10 Years

I’ve shaken and yelled at your ashes more times than I probably should admit.

I’ve cried more times than that.

I created The Jay Walkers (Anna came up with the name), and with the help of our family and friends, it’s become one of the top fundraising teams in our area for suicide prevention. We’ve raised over $38,000 across seven fundraising campaigns. Our team works to educate people about suicide and remove the stigma around seeking help for mental health issues. I’ve spoken about the aftermath of losing you to a large crowd from the steps of the Texas State Capitol. And last year, the team even won an impact award for our work.

People walk on our team from across the US and across the world.

I don’t let people forget about you; you mattered.

I was selected to represent Central Texas, go to DC this year, and speak to members of Congress. I was honored and excited, and then I had an unfortunate meltdown and couldn’t get myself onto the plane.

Some things have become easier, while others remain hard. I’m hoping they’ll select me next year.

I said goodbye to Sam.

Quincy finally came around.  He’s actually purring right next to me.

He’s really good at murdering and eating critters. He prefers to do that inside. I prefer that he not do it at all.  We debate.

I participated in the Warrior Dash.

I said goodbye to my ACL and temporarily to my MCL.

I got a tattoo to remind myself that I am strong.

I got another tattoo to remind me where I came from.

We went through COVID.

I didn’t have a bubble for a long time; it was lonely living in a cage.

I finally used that passport and left the country.

I went on a cruise. We won the Golden Ship for trivia.

I climbed an Aztec ruin.

I visited The Shire.

I saw a Haka.

I rowed a half marathon (21,100m) in record slow time, but hey, I did it.

I lifted some weights. I put them back down.

I took archery.

I convinced Dale to come, too.

I even bought a bow and shot some arrows.

I threw myself a reverse Quinceañera when I turned 51. There was a Bollywood dance instructor, costume changes, and a near wardrobe malfunction.

I threw paint at Anna. I lost that battle.

I had Chicago-style pizza in Chicago. It’s the best.

I also had a Chicago hot dog. It shouldn’t be great, but it is. Why?

I went to Colorado.

I went back to Colorado.

I want to go back to Colorado.

I may have a crush on Colorado.

I joined the board of an organization. I did board things. They gave me a shirt.

I joined an orchestra. I’m absolute rubbish, but they haven’t fired me.

One of them gave me a new dog, Luna. She’s crazy smart but not a fan of strangers. Neither is Luna.

See what I did there? I’m still HILARIOUS!

I went to costume parties in costume.

I’ve made great friends.

I stumbled into a great career and work alongside some great people.

I had anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I learned to breathe.

We said goodbye to Charla, and then we said goodbye to Enid. I still can’t believe they’re not here.

And though a lot happened, not all of it easy or fun, there’s always been one constant…

I miss you every single day.

And today, I’ve honored your memory with a memorial in the Statesman.

For my friends and family:

This year marks ten years since losing Jay, and this walk has become one of the most meaningful ways I honor him. If you’re able, I’m asking you to join me on October 18th. Your presence, whether here in Austin or wherever you live, would mean a lot, especially this year.

It’s as easy as going to The Jay Walker’s Team Page (linked here) and selecting “Join Our Team.”