Tech Support Fact vs. Beth: I hate calling tech support and when I do call, I’ve moved beyond “Tier 1” and likely need someone who isn’t flipping through a book looking for a script to match what I’m saying. I need a “real” tech support person, not a glorified telemarketer. One of our hotshot IT staff at work has tried to talk me off the ledge when I carry on about Tier 1 tech support and through a very long discussion, he has gotten me to agree to play nice as these folks work through their script. “Is the computer on?”

This past Wednesday, against my better judgment, I had to make a call for our Voice Over IP service. We’d gone two days with the line saying “Line in use” and while I do hate the phone in general, Thursday was Christmas and my birthday, which meant I’d be missing my favorite time of the year to get phone calls. The phone could be dead starting today and I’d be ok with that, but not on Christmas.

I call using my cell phone and “press or say” my way to the right department until I reach a live body who has some sort of initial combination for a name – DJ, RK, RB, BJ – something like that AND he also happens to have the most obnoxiously nasally voice in the history of voices. Not his fault. He mispronounces my name throughout this conversation, so now three things are wearing thin for me: my raging cold that reminds me of how much I resent people spreading germs when they should have stayed home, hatred of tech support, and hatred of folks who will not pronounce my name correctly despite having heard me say it. Slap onto that a hatred of people who giggle at the end of every statement. “What are you doing for Christmas Miss Doubty?” “I’m going to spend time with my family.” “HEHE. Well, that’s nice because I’m going to have to work tomorrow through the holidays and won’t get to be with my family. HEHE.”

… and that line started really mashing down on my crazy button. It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, it just rings as an entirely inappropriate thing to announce.

From there we went to whether I had anything else to add regarding the problem. HEHE. I mention the initial set-up took a long time for the VOIP (four hours, which is not an exaggeration – the guy did other things in between, but he was here from 3:15 to 7:30) – I told Initials that the tech was having to go back and forth between the box where he punched down the cable multiple times and he finally got everything to work. “That’s not the problem, Miss Doubty…. HEHE” and my ears turned off.

Before he relented that I was beyond his ability to help me, Initials had me do some minor troubleshooting things – one which took me a little longer than expected because I actually couldn’t locate an outlet to test the phone in a new, exciting location. When I picked up my cell he was in the process of making a speech to the air and he hung up on me. That may have been what tipped me over the ledge.

He called back. “Miss Doubty, I didn’t know where you went.” “I told you, I was trying to locate an outlet and I was having a hard time finding one to set-up this test and STOP calling me Miss Doubty. That’s not my name. You say it ….” “HEHE ok, Miss Beth”. We got to the point where he agreed I needed someone out here to fix the problem and asked again, “is there anything you’d like to add, Miss Beth?” “YES. Whatever is happening is affecting our alarm system.” (Alarm systems are typically tied into your phone in case of emergencies and since the phone started acting up so did our alarm. It didn’t like not being able to find a line. Plus, the guy who did the set-up said he may have clipped that particular wire.) “HEHE I understand – that’s not your problem because…” I set the phone on my lap and took a deep breath and then picked it back up and gave him a tech support lecture. He made a small attempt to try to talk over me, but I wouldn’t shut up. “Ok, Miss Beth. I will put a note that the phone system may be interfering with your alarm system.” “Good.” “HEHE. Can I ask a question, Miss Beth?” I was hoping the question would be “Could I die slowly under your withering disapproving gaze for your amusement?” but no… “Miss Beth, sometimes our supervisors follow-up to see how we did answering your call. Would you say I was very satisfactory.” “I will say you were satisfactory.” because I was feeling nice and it’s the day before Christmas. But here’s my favorite part… “HEHE. I see Miss Beth and I won’t hold that against you.” “I appreciate that you won’t hold that against me.” “HEHE. Ok, you have a Merry Christmas.” Then my brain imploded and left me screaming profanities into the air. (This got a a very disapproving beagle look who doesn’t approve of ranty scream fests.)

The repair guy comes out – he’s friendly – his name is Matthew – he’s a dude. He looks at the inside, runs outside, runs back in and declares “DONE!” He validates what I said about the other guy having problems and explains that a lot of the guys are new on setting up VOIP, but this is his specialty. I ask about the alarm and he explained what happens there, again validating what I said about it, and adds “yep, that’s fixed, too! Have a Merry Christmas!” then runs away.

HEHE. So there you have it, that’s the story Tony. Lynn, there’s a rant for you. My work here is done.