We had company on Sunday and seeing that company usually expects things like drinks and snacks I decided to go to the grocery store. The grocery store down the road is one of those mega stores that stretches out for blocks and yet amazingly you still can’t always find what you need… especially yesterday. See,…

With writing you need inspiration and with humor writing you really need inspiration to slip on a banana peel (as you know, fruit skins are comedy gold). So, I lurk around and wait for something to hit me (ala the Target checkout gal playing with my cat’s new feather toy and spending long uncomfortable moments…

I think I made the promise about a year ago that I wouldn’t get too political or express any “real” views and for the most part I’ve stuck to that. No one really wants my ignorant take on the world at large. Besides, I’m saving that all up for my government think tank application and…

Texas has a toll road or more specifically, Austin has a few of ‘em hanging around our city. Sure, everyone rallied and said no. We explained that the roads were paid for, but the mayor and others threw caution to the wind. So, as of this month you have to pay to access certain sections…

Anna asked me on her recent post to post 5 things people don’t know about me. Of course, that’s a tightrope act – post 5 things people really don’t know or 5 things that are fairly safe that most of my 9 readers already know. Here’s my go at it: 1) I played in a…

“Merry Krimmas!” Yes, that’s how someone greeted me yesterday. “Merry Krimmas!” In fact, they’ve carried on for the last couple of weeks about their “Krimmas” party and their “Krimmas” plans. I guess “Krimmas” is a way to celebrate the day without offending anyone who might have some beef with Christmas or maybe it’s some awfully…

We’re having a quiet Christmas/birthday at the house today. Most people suspect it has to do with my Mom passing away; it’s an expectation people have of you when a major holiday comes and goes without a particular person around to share it with. It’s not true in this case. My Mom didn’t care much…

Caramel meant for ice cream and caramel meant for you to melt and place in fudge are two different things. Do not substitute because you don’t have a double boiler and are two lazy to float a smaller pot in a larger pot. Results: Fudge you not only can eat with a spoon, but it’s…

As I wait for the butter to soften for my Christmas fudge, I approach it knowing that what I’m about to do comes from a darker place – a place without Santa watching over his sweatshop getting ready to lash out at eight “tiny” reindeer (poor midget deer, imagine their burden) and madly drive them…

Not so long ago Lori asked me a simple question: “If you could invite five people to dinner – real or fictitious, living or dead, who would they be?” I over-thought this one, as I always do with the simplest of questions. Should I go the historical route? Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Robespierre, Andrew Jackson…

(Due to the increased number of hits on this particular post, I would like to remind everyone that:The image below is COPYRIGHTED by its artist, Jeff Bent.PLEASE CONTACT HIM FOR PERMISSIONBEFORE YOU USE THIS IMAGE IN ANY FORM.) Once upon a time I commissioned a set of Christmas cards from my friend Jeff. (The one…

At my age, I feel fairly comfortable dispensing sage advise. Yes, I feel that I’m so darn wise by this point that people could actually benefit from this wealth of wisdom I keep stored. Lucky you! After watching too much television, flipping through too many articles on the Internet, I decided to share this little…

****** If you landed here, you may be using an old link to the website.  Go directly to http://www.bigbluemess.com ***** I want to thank everyone whose giving me such wonderful feedback. It really means a lot to me, although I’m frankly shocked at your bad taste. (It’ll be our little secret; I’ll never tell another…

I was being a big car loser today. Definition: It’s when I go hide out in my car over lunch and heckle people on the phone. I called up April to go over the highlights of the big four hour meeting I had this morning – how I had stood with feet firmly planted on…